Paradise's views

AARRGGHHHHH!!!!

2009-11-24T07:01:35Z

What is it they say? it never rains but it pours? First, Mom and Dad bought into a company with some family that is still in the process of going belly up but in the meantime they didn't get paid for July, August, and September's work. So they muddle through and Dad gets a new job working for another company, just driving so there's not a lot of paperwork involved in it, and...

He gets T-boned by someone on his way back to work today.

Talk about pouring. He's okay, they recommend he go in and get checked out tomorrow but he's okay. The truck on the other hand... The fuel tank was ruptured, the running board on one side is toast, fender panel, fridge cabinet, probably the fridge, plus whatever they find out when they start working on it. But, to the amazement (or so I've heard) of everyone who came to the scene he managed to keep the truck upright and on its wheels.

If you know highway 37 at all that makes it even more impressive. That highway spends a lot of time being basically a track cut in a very steep hill. Especially where he was hit. Not far from Devil's Lake. The woman who hit him came over a hill too fast, hit black ice on the way down to the corner, and ran the stop sign before hitting him. Dad went through the ditch and ended up in some farmer's field.

Dad is very impressed with her car, not necessarily her driving, but with her car. she was driving a Toyota Camry, it must be a couple years old it has 300,000 km on it, but the windshield didn't even break. It's probably a maze of glass, but it was intact.

Gibsons, that's who he's working for right now, says they might have a truck he can drive while his is in the shop, and they do have work interruption insurance, but that pays a maximum of like eight grand a month and that has to wait until our insurance company gets the money from her insurance company. And in the meantime he's out of work again.

Probably the stupidest part of the whole thing is his truck was just in for his annual safety check on Friday. And now it's back in the shop for repairs.

Oh, well, at least he's okay.

wedding dresses and engagement parties

2009-09-24T07:59:52Z

   I don't know about my kid sometimes, she's picked her wedding dress out. And all things considered she's not being completely unreasonable about it. It's only a thousand dollars.

  Did I manage to say that with a straight face? She's a full time student and her boyfriend/fiance's income is needed to pay for their rent, groceries, ect. I love my daughter but I am not paying for her wedding dress,

  things are good at work, mostly anyway. We have one new employee that simply refuses to do some of the most basic things she's supposed to, like getting the addresses of the guests when they're checking in. She's also potentially screwed up a few big things but we caught most of them. She could be in such trouble.

Engaged

2009-07-18T05:48:18Z

No, not me. The girl child and her boyfriend have decided to get married. She called and talked to Mom earlier today, apparently the little e-card announcement didn't show what she sent. They're thinking about next August, they were thinking about the weekend after the long weekend but since we're having a huge family reunion on the long weekend it makes more sense for them to get married that weekend. It'll make more sense going both ways. More of the immediate family are likely to show up if she's getting married than just for the family reunion. Or maybe they'll show up for the reunion and come to the wedding.

Other than that my life hasn't changed much over the past couple months. I'm still working in the Super 8 in Whitecourt, I'm still writing mostly Buffy fanfic but I am writing other things, and I still haven't heard from the boychild in more than two years - other than a couple IMs that I can't even prove were him.

I am alive

2008-10-24T05:17:38Z

I am alive, although I haven't posted anything in nearly a year. And I don't really have much news for the year.

The girl child is back, is 17, and is living with her boyfriend in Edmonton. A boyfriend who she has introduced to not only me but her grandma and grandpa.

Apparantly the Failed Bard is alive too, although no one in the family has actually talked to him in more than a year. We're still speculating at home on the reasons for that. Mom thinks he has a new girlfriend he just doesn't want to introduce to the craziness that is our family.

My sister Wendy finally got full and permanent custody of her grandchildren and the "Biologicals" have no rights to even visit with them if she wants to cut them off. The kids have settled down nicely now that they aren't seeing their parents as often and they know they aren't ever going to live with them again. The younger one is in grade one this year so it only too almost three years for her to get permanent custody. "Biologicals" is what the judge called their parents when he took away all their rights.

And other than that, I'm still working at the Super 8 in Whitecourt as the full time night auditor and all is well in my life.

The Girl Child

2007-12-15T14:59:55Z

The girl child has been found. Well, she was found a couple weeks ago but apparently the post I did that said that already didn't actually get posted. It's been that kind of month.

She actually turned up in the usual way for her. Mom got a call that said... She's been arrested, is refusing to contact you, and is at YES. That's the Youth Emergency Shelter for those of you who didn't grow up in Edmonton. Social services is keeping her, she's safe, and she has called Mom collect since her arrest.

My darling daughter has been living with a guy in Calgary who was under the impression her name was Crystal McKay and she was 25. 24 when they moved in together. Which was right after she left here. They met on Lavalife. I knew I didn't like on-line dating services for a reason.

Anyway, she is alive, and well, and safe somewhere in Edmonton. Working or not. Still using the name Crystal McKay. She hates me and everyone else except Mom apparently but especially me. But that's normal too. She's also accusing Failed Bard of damaging her shoulder to the point she needs a replacement. But, I don't think anyone believes that, except possibly her. Of course, with her problems who knows what she knows.

If I actually talk to her I'll find out.

I'm still alive. I think

2007-11-10T11:47:20Z

So, I am alive. I am fairly well. I am still writing, but only paper and pen.

I will also be trying to get back on more often than once every six months.

But, the real reason for this post is... Has anyone heard from Failed Bard in the past month? We've been trying to get in touch with him but he hasn't been responding. Last we heard from Sam he hadn't heard from him lately either so it's not just family he's avoiding. Although Sam said he thinks FB might have rediscovered the joys of money.

If you've heard from him, gotten a comment from him, whatever, lately let me know.

And if you're reading this, call your mother! She's worried about you. Like having kids disappear and not return phone calls is fun. You don't even have voice mail so she can check and see if you're still removing the messages.

Missy

2007-06-19T14:06:04Z

How's this? Not something new, but something new to you here. You might recognize a few names, like most of them, this is what happens to Sus' daughter several years down the road of war.

Met sat silently on his horse, watching the hunting party draw closer. He saluted the Ashone and waited.

"You didn’t come out here so I could enjoy your company, Met, so what is it?"

"The king and queen request your presence at your earliest convenience, Ashone."

Missy considered that, "Why didn’t Mom call me in then?"

"I don’t know, Ashone."

Missy spun on him, "You most certainly do, Casin, and if you don’t tell me what’s going on I’ll feed you to the hounds!"

Met dropped his head, "My Lady, I only relay a message given to me by Her Majesty. I beg your forgiveness."

Missy stared at him in shock. "Rosso, my love," she rubbed his neck.

*We’re but a breath away.*
Rosso leaped into a gallop that quickly left Met and the hunting party behind. He pulled up as they thundered through the gate into the castle courtyard. *As I said.*

Missy slipped off Rosso’s back and handed the reins to a passing groom. She headed for the throne room, pulling off her gloves as she walked. The herald announced her, "Lady Melissa, Ashone of His Majesty’s Riders."

Missy walked in, surveyed the room quickly, and bowed to Sume and Sus. "You asked to see me, My King?"

"Lady Melissa, may I present His Royal Highness Prince Famal of Kanoba."

Missy bowed to the foreign prince, "Your Highness." *What’s this all about, Mom?* she asked on the tightest broadcast she could manage.

Sume smiled, "Prince Famal has brought an offer from his mother."

"Queen Filnac is renowned for the generosity of her offers," Missy said politely.

"She has offered..." Sume began.

"Please, allow me," Famal interrupted. "My mother, who has backed the Dark all her life is willing to sign a treaty with Durell, and then to step down and allow me to rule Kanoba as a symbol of Light."

*What’s this going to cost me, Captain?*

"Do you not think this is good news?" Famal asked her, eyeing her hand on her sword.

"As Ashone, I always welcome the opportunity to close hostilities with one that is not the true enemy, but I cannot help but wonder what Kanoba is getting out of this deal."

"Surely this was made clear to you," Famal looked confused. "You are to become my bride and rule at my side."

Missy nodded her understanding, "I don’t think so," she corrected. "Majesty," she bowed to Sume. "Sorceress," she bowed to Sus. "Your Highness," she bowed to Famal. With a sweep of her cloak Missy spun and headed for the door.

Sume snapped, "We have not dismissed you, Ashone!" just as Sus snapped, *Act your age, Melissa.*

Missy ignored them and left the throne room.

Sume sighed, "I apologize, Your Highness, for..."

"It is my fault," Famal cut him off. "Since the treaty is the talk of the castle I assumed that the Lady Melissa had heard the terms."

"My Ashone has been hunting for the past month. She only just returned."

"She is truly leader of your Riders?" Famal asked.

"My Ashone worked very hard to earn her position and I will find it difficult to replace her." Sume turned to Sus. "Will you talk with her, my Love?"

"I will try," Sus assured him, "but she is my daughter."

"Try."

Sus nodded and teleported herself to Missy’s location. "I’m very disappointed in you, Melissa. Hello, Nat."

"My Lady. Ashone, I put one of the new grooms to work on Rosso," he frowned. "He’s not working out well. Your month of hunting did you no harm, you look..." he left it unsaid but the look in his eyes warmed Missy.

"Thank you," Missy smiled at him. With a frown of concentration she teleported herself to her mother’s room in the tower. She staggered slightly and perched on the windowsill.

Sus teleported in after her, "Melissa, what do you think you’re up to?"

"I’m not twelve anymore, Mom. When I was twelve Sume twisted the rules to let me become a Rider, and I’m a good Rider."

"And an excellent Ashone. No one is trying to deny that."

"You’re just trying to make me marry Famal so we can get a treaty to formalize a peace that’s lasted five years already."

"You are acting childish!"

"And you’re treating me like one of your babies. I am Ashone of Sume’s Riders. I am not your property to be sold for a peace I’ve already paid for! If Famal wants a bride for his treaty he can always wait for Sarah."

"Melissa!" Sus was shocked. "You will not address me in..."

"Sorceress," Missy cut her off, "I will obey the orders of my King, but if you force me to marry Famal you will cease to be my parents and my loyalties will be only to Durell not her rulers. Excuse me, Sorceress, I have duties to attend to." With another frown Missy teleported herself to her office.

Missy asked Sume, her eyes narrowing and her hand drifting to her sword-hilt.

"That bad, my Love?" Sume had cleared the throne room after Sus returned.

"Worse," Sus sank to the floor at Sume’s feet. "She’ll do it, if we order her to."

"At what cost?"

"If we do, she’ll disown us."

Sume’s breath hissed out, "She is your daughter, and I will not order her to marry Famal, no matter how much I want this treaty. The peace forced in battle has lasted years, it may survive."

"You don’t believe the any more than I do. Any attack from the Dark must come from Kanoba or the western mountains."

"I am as aware of the situation as you, my Love. An ally in Kanoba would give us the opportunity to go on the offensive once more."

"But would you really want to go to war with someone else leading your Riders? It’s been three and a half years since Missy killed Tyrel and became Ashone. Putting any other Rider in charge now would result in the same problems Rebb faced when you made him Ashone, after Octon’s death. They are her men, as much as they are your Riders."

"My history," he agreed with a sigh. "Famal will not wait forever."

"Stubborn as the Ashone is, she may agree to the wedding if it is best for Durell." Sus sighed, "Maybe the Brin can talk to her."

"Eric’s on her side in this, and Karen won’t be back for weeks. I’ll think of something, if my beautiful and brilliant ‘Mate doesn’t."

Sus laughed and lifted herself into Sume’s lap.

"My Lady?" Met looked up as Missy approached across the practice yard.

"Are you trying to lose your head?" Missy snapped. "Or are you just being a hinny?"

Met reacted to the insult automatically, coming to his feet and drawing his sword. He stepped into an attack posture.

Missy smiled and drew her dagger for defense. She used her early martial arts training to push Met even as she defended herself. After a few minutes a crowd had gathered and Met’s attacks had intensified to the point when Missy was forced to draw her sword as well. With a final push Met overpowered Missy and nicked her shoulder.

Panting he stepped back, "You’re slow today."

Missy, breathing just as hard, agreed, "Tired."

"Didn’t you sleep in the tower?" He looked at the wound, "Healer?"

Missy giggled, "For this?"

Met sheathed his sword, "Are you going to do it?"

Missy sheathed her sword as well and ran a finger down the edge of her dagger, "Will you come with me if I do?"

"If you ask me to," he told her. "I didn’t know how to handle it," he admitted.

Missy slipped the dagger into its sheath, "I’ll see you later," she headed for the market.

Famal came over to her, "You are indeed a most excellent warrior, Lady Melissa."

"I am Ashone," she pointed out, "the best of Sume’s Riders. Was there something I can do for you, Your Highness?"

"I thought perhaps you and I could talk. If I had known you were unaware of the terms of the treaty."

"I do not care about your treaty. There is peace."

"What cost is peace worth?" he paused as Missy entered the tailor’s.

"Ashone!" the tiny tailor cried delighted. He frowned at Famal, "Kind sir." He turned his smile back on, "And how can this humble one be of service to you, Ashone? It is not time for new uniforms."

Missy smiled and relaxed, "Not yet, you old thief," she agreed easily. "Are my new gloves ready yet?"

"Yes, yes. Always such a pleasure," he put the black leather gloves on the work table. "Three silvers, as we agreed."

Missy dropped a gold piece on the table beside the gloves, "The rest, what a new dress uniform doesn’t cost, is yours."

"Durell colours? Or Kanoba colours?" Grig teased familiarly.

Missy smiled tightly, "My colors," she said flatly.

The smile faded from the old man, "That will cost you more."

A second gold piece appeared on the table, "Three days."

"The fabric will be difficult to locate, but it may be done." Grig agreed.

Missy scooped up the gloves, "It will be done," she corrected as she left the shop.

Famal followed her out, "What are your colors, my Lady?"

Missy slipped the gloves into her belt, "Blood red and moon dark black."

"The colors of death."

"My colors," Missy corrected. She stopped suddenly, "Pay for it, Gash," she turned around and watched as the boy sheepishly dug a copper coin out of his money pouch. He gave it to the vendor and hurried away. The vendor smiled and nodded at her. With a sigh Missy continued on her way to the barracks.

"You have magic..."

"I have power," she corrected. "My mother is Kraina, minor tricks are nothing. Gash always tries to steal something right behind my back, and he always gets caught. It is more a game now than anything else."

"My mother is a sorceress," Missy shrugged her indifference to his confession. "You don’t want to marry me do you?"

"Should she?" Met asked. "Ashone, I have an urgent message for Lord Rebb..."

"Of course you can borrow Rosso, but I’m pleased you asked."

Met bowed slightly and headed for the stables. Missy paused at the sparring ground to watch the recruits practice. She bowed to Casin Weth before continuing on her way to her office.

Famal followed her silently, watching her interact with her environment. She was a warrior first and foremost, yet there were other aspects present as well. She was a leader, a judge, a friend, a mentor, and a master as the need arose. After several hours Famal slipped away and returned to his rooms.

"I have made a decision," Sume announced to the banquet guests, "concerning the peace treaty proposed by Queen Filnac. We would be honored to have a treaty with Kanoba, but not at the expense of our daughter’s happiness. The Ashone will stay where she belongs."

"That statement could be the forebearer of war."

"He is correct," Famal corrected his mother’s minister. "The Ashone should not be forced into anything. We will return to Kanoba and work out a new..."

"That is not acceptable!" the minister stood. "This treaty was not open to negotiations."

"And it still is not," Famal came to his feet to face down the minister. "Now sit down!"

The minister started for the door, only to stop and stare as one of the Dragonriders burst in, bleeding from several small wounds. He collapsed onto the table in front of Missy, "Ashone! Hellfliers!"

Missy and the other Riders stood as one and rushed past the minister out of the banquet hall. With easy familiarity each of her lieutenants acknowledged the orders Missy had yet to give.

"Full watch and archers on the walls," Dores agreed.

Met nodded to himself, "Twenty men on horseback, with fifteen more in reserve."

"I had two flights on routine patrol," Darmec stated, "six more will be in the air in ten minutes."

Missy smiled, "I trust they shall, Lord Darmec, I trust they shall."

They all nodded an acknowledgment to Eric when he met them in a cross corridor.

"There’s death approaching, Misfit."

"Yeah," she agreed with a smile, "and this is what I do best. One of the Dragonriders was injured."

"Our brin are already attending to the injured dragons and their riders," Eric gave her a wink and left the group at the next corner.

The four of them entered the courtyard and the casins hurried off to their duties. With a sigh Missy headed for the wall, where she could co-ordinate the battle. It wasn’t nearly as much fun to run the battle as it was to fight it. She turned as booted feet ran up behind her.

"My Lady," Famal bowed to her, "if Durell is under attack I offer the services of my guard. Five are accomplished Riders, and the others are excellent bowmen."

"They are welcome, Your Highness," Missy smiled at him. "Would you care to join me on the wall?"

Famal bowed again, "It would be my honor."

*Met, take out the Kanoba Riders with you.*
*Yes Ashone.*

Missy smiled at his tone. *Watch it lover,* she warned.

Met laughed, *I’m glad you’re back, Missy.*

Missy broke off contact with Met. "Casin," she caught Dores’ eye, "your own fine men..."

"I never turn down volunteers. The Kanoba archers are already on the wall. I have each of them paired with one of my star troops."

"His Highness will be joining us on the wall."

Dores nodded his approval and scrambled up the nearest ladder. Missy followed Famal up, eyes scanning the horizon immediately upon clearing the wall.

"There," she pointed to the east.

The others followed her arm, "This is not good," Dores sighed. "I’ll report to the king."

"Report what?" Missy asked him, stepping to the ladder, "That there is no attack? Think about what is to the East."

"Nothing. The mountains go on for days, even on dragonback. And since there are still pockets of brin..."

"We know there are no large concentrations of the Dark. What’s beyond the mountains?"

"The field of forever."

"And beyond that?"

Famal laughed, "My Lady, the field of forever is the end of the world. No one has ever crossed it."

"I have," Missy corrected. "With Sume. It took us a full day and night on our Windbeasts."

"To deal with the Dark One."

"Apparently he’s recovered. This time," she started down the ladder, "I finish what I started."

Sus fidgeted as the Darkness drew closer, "I’m needed on the walls," she announced suddenly.

"Sit down, my Love," Sume ordered gently. "If you are needed they will send for you." He watched as a pair of runners conferred with the herald. The herald nodded his agreement and the runners hurried forward. "News from the wall?" he asked them.

"Yes, Your Majesty. Ashone Missy has recalled all troops."

"Why?" Sus snapped. "The attack will come!"

"Your Majesty, I’m only a runner. I take messages."

"Continue," Sume prompted.

"The Ashone said only to inform you that the attack is from the East, and that she will finish this once and forever. If she falls Casin Met is to take command until a new Ashone is appointed."

"Thank you," Sume dismissed them. "This time you will not interfere."

"But my babies," she protested.

"Your only babies, my Love, are Susan and Octon. Melissa and Patrick are your children, but they chose their own futures long ago."

"Forgive me, Your Majesty," the Kanoban minister of state interrupted, looking fascinated. "I know it is bad manners to overhear..."

"You have a point?" Sume asked flatly.

"I was under the impression that Octon was your oldest child and heir."

"He is," Sume agreed. "He is my oldest child. My Bloodmate has two older children who are not mine."

"This is most confusing to me. In Kanoba the child of one is the child of both. If that is not true here..."

"My children, my oldest children, do not want to be Sume’s children. Both are very attached to the memories of their fathers."

A brief ripple in the conversation alerted Sus to a forthcoming scandal. "Missy is quite content to be Ashone, and Lady in her own right. My son Patrick has broken all ties with his family."

"But he is still your oldest child and should be heir."

Sume laughed loudly, "Can you imagine Pat taking an oath to protect Durell from the forces of Darkness and uphold the laws of Light as laid down by the Brin?"

Sus echoed the smile, "No. That is not something that comes easily to mind."

The herald cut across the rising voices, "The Brin," he announced simply.

Sume and Sus came to their feet and bowed as Eric walked forward. "Ain’t their fight gonna be somethin’?" he asked Sus. "I can feel the..." Eric stopped and looked at the visiting minister. "Who are you and why have you insulted me?"

"Forgive me," he made a sketchy bow in Eric’s direction. "I thought the herald had announced The Brin."

"You are not forgiven," Eric said coldly. "I am The Brin. A position held by my Bloodmate and myself. And that is more of an explanation that we’ve given anyone in more than five years." Eric turned his attention to Sus, "Can you feel the powers building?"

"They are," Sus searched for the right word, "alluring."

Eric nodded his agreement, "They call to those with power. I thought I’d come and make sure you were okay, Aunt Sus."

"I’m going to lose one of my children, Eric, how am I supposed to be?"

"You lost Pat a long time ago," Eric pointed out, "and Missy the misfit has been playing on a different board than everyone else all her life."

Sus smiled, "I’ve been trying too hard to hold on."

Eric laughed, "What? Being a grandma isn’t enough for you?"

"What?"

Sume smiled, "Didn’t I tell you?" he teased. "JJ is father to a beautiful little girl they named Gladys. Charlie sent me word last week."

Sus slumped into her chair, "The two of you set me up like bowling pins."

"And it worked like a charm," Eric agreed, grabbing a chair and sitting. "Missy knows what she’s doing."

Please read and enjoy. Questions and comments are always appreciated

Hmm

2007-06-19T09:36:03Z

Let's see, my last post was in February. God, that's worse than my brother's normal posting times.

Anyway. I am alive and well, working fairly happy at my new job. I'm the night auditor at the Super 8 in Whitecourt. My only problem with the job is I have to stand most of my shift and I can't sit and play on the computer all night because I can't sit. And we don't really have internet access at the desk.

But I am alive and doing okay. We still haven't heard from the girl child but there's nothing we can do about that. I'm still writing, and yes, I did mean to post something but the day I was planning to I had to work the whole weekend because the girl relieving me quit with like no notice and I ended up working straight through the other one's holidays which was 11 straight days.

About the most newsworthy thing that's happened lately is I hit a deer Saturday night on the way to work. I got the estimate today on repairs and it's only going to be about $4000. That all the gods that insurance will cover it. It's all the deer's fault, if it hadn't decided to turn around and go back the way it had just come from I would have missed it completely. Stupid mind changing deer.

Anyway, I'll try to update more often, but I'm making no promises.

Writing

2007-02-19T22:05:25Z

If I could figure out how to get this to scroll I probably would.

I'M WRITING!!!! I'm writing! I'm writing! I'm writing. *hops up and down and claps hands madly*

I didn't realize that my stupid job was taking so much out of me, wearing me down so much, until I had a week without it. I'm not even trying to find a job yet. But a couple days ago, after I got back from Edmonton on Wednesday actually, might have even been late Thursday. Anyway I had a little idea so I started to write. Expecting the same little dribble of three or four pages that I've been dealing with for months.

And what do I get? 45 pages and counting and while the story has been evolving from what it was at the beginning I'm up to nearly forty pages of the one that was going to be backstory for the first fifteen pages. And I'm still writing.

I never realized how much not being able to get anything to come out on paper was dragging me down. I have come to the conclusion that I was slowly going insane because I couldn't write. Just the fact that I've managed to write through one entire section of my scribbler - yes I prefer to write longhand with a fountain pen - has let something inside me relax. I feel so much better than I did the week before I left the job and that's not counting the fact the I might actually be caught up on sleep.

But there are definitely stories still in there somewhere and, twisted little plot changes aside, I feel really good about that.

The Bookstore Part 3

2007-02-08T18:47:27Z

the bookstore part 1

The bookstore part 2

The music drifted up from the south hallway and I tilted my head, listening to it. One of the basses from the jam session when I arrived. A better bassist has never been born than him. I know this, know there are musicians who would kill for half his skill, know that if he had sought the mastery he has it would have eluded him. And it's frustrating not knowing how I know any of this. I wander the hallway silently, stopping to listen at the door of the bassist.

"Would you like to come in, Hana?"

I opened the door and looked into the room, "Everyone seems to know my name."

"We haven't actually met," he admitted, setting the bass aside and walking over to the door. "I'm Scott. Would you like to come in?"

"I think I would," I admitted, shaking the hand he held out. I let him draw me into the room, knowing I was safe here. Knowing it without knowing how I knew it.

"I asked Jay about you. He's been here the longest."

"The drummer," I said without thinking.

"You remember him?" he gestured me to a chair and sat on the bed, picking up the bass again.

"Not exactly," I frowned as I considered my words. "Someone starts to tell me something and I remember it, knowing the truth of it without having to be told. I new I had met the drummer before, but I couldn't tell you when or where. When you said the name Jay I knew that was the drummer's name, but I don't know how I knew it."

"That must be very difficult for you."

I frowned again, watching him pick out chords on the bass, "It's confusing more than anything. Andrew questions me constantly about everything. What I'm doing here, how I even managed to find this place, why I get involved in all the disputes. And I can't give him answers that satisfy him. I know I'm supposed to be here, I know I've been looking for this place all my life and this is the first place that's ever felt like home to me. But I can't give him the answers he wants. How do you explain that you're getting involved because that's what you're supposed to do, you know it is, but you don't know why you know it? How do you explain that I know I can open the ledge door and it won't lead to the ledge unless I want it to? But I don't know how or why." I sighed and watched him for a moment longer. "And even though we've never met I know things about you. Things I couldn't know, but I know them."

"Like what?" he stopped playing with the bass and looked up to meet my eyes.

"Like the first time you picked up a bass you were 12 and you got a bass for your birthday instead of the guitar you'd asked for. Your grandmother bought it, didn't know the difference and since the store only had one guitar left and she was a sucker sale they told her it was a guitar and she bought it. I know you've never had lessons on how to play the bass, though you did take guitar lessons until you got it. I know once you picked it up you never wanted to play the guitar again and you've never picked one up again except as a favour for a friend. But I don't know how I know all this."

"And you believe that's all true?"

"Don't you?" I asked softly. "Jay got his first drum set when he was three. He never wanted to play anything else. Never going to play anything else. He's the drummer, that's all he ever wanted to be. Carol hated her father for insisting she learn to play the flute, hated that she'd never be able to play rock music because everyone knows there's no place for a flute in a rock band. Yet she does just that, plays rock music and makes it sound right coming from a flute. Dean's the other bassist, he's a professional and he's not a third as good as you, but he still loves to play and he wouldn't change to guitar for anything. Don't know about the guitar player, haven't met her yet."

"Tanya."

I shrugged, "I haven't met her yet." I lay my head on the table and sighed, "And I hate not knowing how and why I know these things."

"I had three months worth of guitar lessons left when I got my first bass. I finished them with the guitar because chords are nearly the same between them but after that I didn't pick up a guitar for five years. A friend needed a guitar player for a high school talent show band and I played for him. That was the last time I picked up a guitar to play. And I don't play for money, I play because that's what I do. I play the bass. Sometimes I play for my supper, going out and doing a one-night show somewhere for drinks and a meal but I don't do it for the money, I do it because it's what I love."

I raised my head and smiled at him, "I know." I stood and left his room, closing the door on the first notes of the new song he was writing. I knew I'd given him what he needed to finally get the words and and the music out of his head and onto the paper. I wandered back towards the main room of the library, wondering what else I knew needed to be done.

Life sucks sometimes

2007-02-08T17:34:09Z

Not that I think that's news to anyone, but it does.

So, the real life update first, then the one that people would rather read, and update on one of my stories.

So, in real life I've been asked to leave my position effective the 15th of February. That would be next Thursday but they still owe me five days of paid holidays so Sunday is my last day and I get paid to not go into work for the last week. But that's actually okay, I've been expecting this for a while and I'm actually not too worried about it. I've been half-assed looking for another job since about November because I'm really not happy here anyway. It's not the work exactly. It's a combination of things, mainly the fact that I'm supposed to be here at some ungodly hour of the morning and I'm not allowed to do anything manager-like. I can hire people and fire people, so long as it's only housekeepers, but I'm not really allowed to do anything else. Pick up the odd thing here and there so long as it doesn't come to much but I'm not allowed to really buy anything for the hotel, I'm not allowed to do anything more than small local advertising, everything has to be approved by the owners anyway. It got very frustrating once the novelty of being able to say "I'm the manager" wore off.

And I hate mornings. I have less trouble waking up and going to work on a night shift than I do on a morning shift. I've felt run-down and sick for months and there's nothing I can do about it because it's from lack of decent sleep and I'm just tired. So I'm planning on...

And I did actually stop and think about what I was going to do. Amazing as that might sound. I've decided to take one day, probably one of my paid days, and go up to Athabasca and talk to the councilors at Athabasca University, where I am registered as a student going for my B.Sc. in Computer Programming and Languages. But I basically screwed up with my first two courses and you have to have both of them to go onto any of the interesting courses so I'm basically screwed. So I'm going to go in and petition to start completely over. Take the two courses I screwed up on over again, shouldn't be a problem I'm not even on the same hard drive anymore, and then go on to the rest of the course, preferably with the full five years left to work on it. I'll have to get student loans to cover the cost of the courses themselves but I think working part time will give me enough money to keep my bills under control so I won't need the living expenses part of it. But I'll apply for the whole amount, because, why not? It's a lot easier not to have to worry about the bills and I only need a little over a thousand dollars a month to cover living expenses.

After I find out about the course, because there's no point in applying for the loans if I can't take the course, I'll go into Whitecourt and Barrhead and apply for a couple of night audit jobs. I'm not interested in working days and I'm not particularly interested in working afternoons, but I'll do those if I have to, on either a part time or a full time basis. Part time to start if they'll let me start over and I think I'll get the loans I need to cover the courses. I can't do it on my own, I tried. I just ended up getting further and further behind on the payments because there were so many other things that I wanted to buy.

But only working part time I think I can keep that bit of spending under control. There are a lot of things I still want to buy, but I think I'm finally satisfied with the things I own and, other than books and the odd movie, there's really nothing I feel the need to buy. Now if only I could pay all my bills on a part time job anyway...
Oh, wait, I probably can. But that wouldn't leave me any spending money at all.

We'll see. I think I'm to the point where I'm satisfied with how my life is going and I'm content.

Stuff before Christmas

2006-12-22T23:17:01Z

So, tis the day before I start my very short christmas holidays and all is quiet. Well, as quiet as a Friday ever is when you have to break into one of the rooms at the hotel.

Tis also the day after the Winter Solstice, which isn't even marked on the calender I have at work so I mostly forgot about it.

So, I leave work at 7 tonight and don't have to be back until 8:30 on the 26th. Boxing day sales I get to miss. Excellent. The only thing worse than boxing day sales are the people looking for gifts on Christmas Eve. I'm not nearly that bad. I've got one present for Lindy, not that I expect her to be home for Christmas to get it, and I paid my Dad's Legion dues for 2007 and I'm giving him that for Christmas. I'm slipping though, it's usually his birthday present in October. I know what I'm getting Mom but I haven't picked it up yet. And I think I know what I'm getting my brother, but I might not get him that. I probably won't get Wendy or Holly anything, although I probably will get Doug something. Strange that I'll get him something but not the other two. Then again I find it likely that Doug will get me something and the other two won't. That's how it usually goes.

But, I have to make another foray into the mass of shopper at WEM, specifically there because that's where I know I can get what I'm thinking about for my brother and - more importantly - that's where I know they have a pair of the boots I need to replace. Stupid boots. I finally find a pair of boots that I like and I can wear for more than twenty minutes at a time without my feet hurting and I break the sole in half. And I don't even know how or when it happened, only that it was after my trip into Edmonton on the 10th.

But the plan is, go into Edmonton on Saturday, probably mid to late afternoonish since I want to stop at RCMT before I head into Edmonton. Either do my shopping first or not. I still hope I can meet up with Oblyvia on this trip to Edmonton. Either before I go shopping or after. Other than the fact I don't want to subject anyone to the horrors of two days before Christmas shopping I'd really rather have the company. That way I can get someone else's opinion on what I'm thinking about buying for my brother. Is it bad I need the opinion of someone else to make up my mind? I mean it's not like I don't know he'd like it, I'm just wondering if it's a little over the top. No, I know it's over the top but I might need someone to help me justify it to myself.

Nah, I'll either buy it or I won't but I don't really need to justify it. Maybe if I was buying a video game I might but... Hmmm.

Other than that, I'll be giving the child a call and asking her, leaving her a message asking her, if she's coming to the farm for Christmas. She either is or she isn't. It doesn't make that much of a difference to anyone anymore.

So, since I won't be back on-line after I leave tonight until after Christmas, I wish everyone a very happy holiday.

An Update

2006-12-13T17:17:59Z

The kid managed to stick around for three weeks before she walked off again. She was doing so well. She had, I think, one module left in both her math and her social and then she would have been done her 10 levels of them. Well, her 14 levels of them. She was doing so well, and then she decided she didn't need to be here anymore and walked off again. I was at work so I'm not sure exactly what the circumstances were but I think the doctor's appointment she had the following Monday played a part in it. I think we've all reached our limits of patience with her. I still contend my daughter is suffering from schizophrenia with paranoid delusions and a healthy dose of pure psychotic problems. Not according to the shrink she saw but *shrugs* what do I know. I'm just her mother with bi-polar disorder and schizophrenic tendancies. They know it runs in the family.

On the work side I'm doing a little better. I was really at a get in the car and drive away point for a while. We have bedbugs, or at least we had bedbugs and we've hopefully sprayed them into non-existance. Hopefully.

On the personal side, other than the kid walking away again, I saw the doctor and he agreed I could increase my dosage of Doxepin and see if that helps. Which it has. I'd be royally screwed otherwise. I was planning on what to take with me when I ran away.

That's so pathetic. I'm 35 years old, the manager of a hotel, and I was planning on running away because I couldn't stand working her anymore.

My life - and credit rating - are finally good enough to get a real loan. Which is why I know I've decided to spend a little more time and effort to keep my job here. I got a loan to pay out my car loan - $15,000 at 17% - and my credit card - $4000 at 10.9% - and leave me a little money left over. It's a $20,000 loan over five years, which means paying on my car for a total of six, but I can make extra payments and pay it off sooner assuming I ever have extra money I don't already have spent before I get it. I'm actually paying more interest on the credit card bit of it, because the loan is 11% - at the moment anyway - but I'll only have one payment which is only $100 more than my car loan payment. So all is well on that front.

I got most of what I wanted to accomplish on my last days off done. I got (most of) my room cleaned. I got to Edmonton, even though I didn't get one of the things accomplished there that I wanted to. I got my new glasses adjusted so I can wear them, I got a new backpack and a new purse, I bought books, I bought a new video game - actually no, I got a new version of a game I already had, I bought new shoes - pink high heels, and I got to drive to Edmonton. I never realized how much I missed driving a distance every day when I was able to think things through and make decisions about what I wanted to do. I miss the drive. I really do. But I did not get one thing I wanted to do done. I waited too long to make the invitation and then couldn't make a connection so I didn't get to finally get to meet oblyvia.

I'll have to start earlier this time. Let's see. My next day off is the 23 of December. We'll see what can be arranged before then. But it might depend on other factors too. Like the damn snow stopping again so the roads are fit to travel. We'll see.

But I am still alive and fairly well. And I am still reading posts, even if I don't comment on them, and I am writing again - thank all the gods ever believed in - although I don't know what will get posted.

She's home

2006-11-09T17:12:51Z

I am happy, sad, excited, relieved, and slightly stunned. I figured, when my brother IM'd me to come home straight after work, that there was some news about my daughter. I wasn't sure if it was good news or bad news but I was sure there was news.

So, I come home, at a sedate 65 because the roads are total ice; get stuck backing up because the snowdrift is completely iced solid; and find out she's home.

A little worse for the wear. She nearly cut her toe off while she was gone, someone ripped her earring out of her ear, she's got a stab wound on her side, and she seems to have some bruised ribs.

But overall she seems to be okay. She's lost weight, her nearly too small jeans are hanging off her hips.

So I'm happy, sad, excited, relieved, and slightly stunned. But she's home, so I'll be okay.

Funerals

2006-09-29T23:01:29Z

Just in case I forget to tell anyone who can make the decision I want some record that I've said this. I hate funerals and I hate religious funerals most of all. So, memorial service fine, funeral not fine, and the people important in my life being preached at while they're mourning means I will come back from the dead and kick whoever authorized it in the head.

Can you tell I just came from a funeral? My great-uncle Grant died on Monday and his funeral was this afternoon. About the only good thing about it was if my father was there I didn't see him. Funerals are supposed to be for the living, why do they make them so depressing? I've never understood that.

I want an Irish wake. Way too much booze, way too many embarrassing stories, and lots of noise and rowdiness. Not a funeral. And if I could figure out a way to cremate me in a bon-fire it would be all the better.

Grant and Stella do have the coolest urn though. It's a heart, he's in one side now and when she dies she'll go in the other side. That was cool. Other than that I bugged out early because, quite honestly, I don't remember him from when I was a kid, I know one of his grandchildren on a talking basis, and I only met the man twice once I moved to Mayerthorpe. Mom at least saw the two of them every now and then at the store and talked then.

Of course it had to fall on a day that I was supposed to be at work all day and I've been gone since 10:30 because it happened to fall on the same day as the AHLA regional meeting so I had to go to that first. It's always interesting when people you used to work for remember you. Life sucks sometimes.

White Roses

2006-09-28T23:41:51Z

A dozen white roses, your favourite kind,
But they’re not enough to change your mind.
I have one last chance to prove I’m true,
So listen, just listen, to what I’ll do.

For you and only you I’ll take a white rose
And touch it to the sky as morning glows.
For a rose of blue so innocent and true
A promise of new beginnings from me to you

Or for you, and you alone, I’ll take a rose of white
And touch it to a midnight sky full of starlight
A blue so dark with starlights shimmer
A hint of old delights to make it glimmer

Now make your choice, take your pick
It’s up to you, so make it quick
Morning glow or starlit night
New beginnings or old delights?

Life, work, and other things

2006-09-24T17:00:38Z

So, we'll start with a belated birthday to Bassman42 and a happy birthday to Oblyvia. Hope you both had good days and that you have good years.

On to life. Today makes it a month with no word from the girl child. Other than that there's not much news outside of work. My brother had a bit of a breakdown. That would be Doug, our step-brother, not FB. If he has a breakdown you'd probably be hearing about it on the national news. No, Doug's schizophrenia apparently got real bad and he didn't want to worry any of us - or I think anyone else - but he ended up in the hospital four times in less than three weeks. Which, when you've been doing good and haven't had to be hospitalized in a couple years, is a major thing and he should have told us.

I actually think that it's partially because of Lindy. Like the rest of the family he knows she's gone and he's worried about her. Between that and the fact it's been raining so he couldn't cut grass which in the summer is his main get out of the house and do things and he's been sitting there brooding and making himself worse. Blue Heron brought him out to the house for a couple days and it definitely did him some good, even if he did sleep through most of it but it was good for him to get away. Although the holiday might have had something to do with it too. Seems like everything started with the damn holiday.

Can you tell I have a headache?

Keith Jackson died a few days ago, not the singer but a local man whose wife knows everyone, including my bosses. She's got friends and family staying here at the hotel for the funeral, which is this afternoon. I'm not planning on going but my parents might. Personally, while I know Beth and think she's an okay person she's not a person I've ever liked. But anyway, I got a phone call from Beth yesterday that pushed my little bit of a headache into full-blown migraine. Yes, I know she's upset about the death of her husband and I am cutting her some slack because of that. I was very polite to her, even when she said I should fire the little bitches I have working as housekeepers now and hire someone who knows what they're doing.

As if the housekeepers can do anything about the smell in 32. There's nothing they can do about it. The smell is in the carpet, and in the floor under the carpet and there's nothing we can do about that until we can rip the fucking carpet out, bleach out the floor, and replace the carpet. But that's hardly the fault of the housekeepers. Nor is the fact that the springs are coming up on the bed in 29. What? She thinks they jumped on the damn bed until the springs came out just so they leave it like that for the guests? We've complained about the beds before. They haven't replaced them. What are the housekeepers supposed to do about it? Put a notice up that the bed isn't safe for use?

I will grant that the cigarette ashes behind the bathroom door and the rotting food in the fridge are very definitely housekeeping's fault. I have no problem with that. What I do have a problem with is, if these were such big problems that she's threatening to go over my head straight to both owners, why the fuck didn't somebody complain already? I would have moved them out of the two offensive rooms and into two other rooms. I would have had no problem with that. But they've been here for three days and the first I've heard of any problems is when Beth is calling me and threatening me. And if Paul and Raj, the two owners, didn't fix things to her satisfaction she was going to be putting a nasty letter in the local paper to make sure everyone knew her opinion on the matter.

What I think might have pissed me off most, and most of the call pissed me, is she asked for Cathy to deal with it, like I'm just here to fill the desk on the week-end. Cathy works for me. Not the other way around, although she does do a lot more with the housekeepers than I do. But I'm still not comfortable with the housekeeping end of it. But give that same call to Cathy and she's either going to calling me to find out what to do or sending a fax to Paul and Pam to find out. Either way she's not going to make a decision on her own. She's not comfortable with the whole being in charge of everything idea although I think she could do it if she would just slow down on the paperwork part. She could do it if she had to. But she's not in charge and I am.

Beth was demanded discounts on all the rooms with the problems and I just don't feel like arguing with her so I knocked $20 a night off on the four rooms in question and I really don't care what my bosses have to say about it. Just like I would have when I was working as night audit at the Whitecourt Inn. These were problems that could have been solved by the application of money on their part so they're just going to have to swallow the loss. Because Beth Jackson on a good day isn't someone I feel like arguing with and I really don't feel like arguing with her over this when she's in this kind of mood.

But her bad mood is going to accomplish something. I am going to start insisting that the housekeepers, all the housekeepers, start using the check-lists and the write erase markers for every room until Cathy and I are satisfied that everything is being done in every room every day. Because I am sick and tired of hearing complaints from the guests and the owners about the state of the rooms.

I guess that covers the work part of it. I am seriously beginning to not like my job.

Bitch bitch bitch

2006-09-20T22:05:38Z

Sometimes that's all I think I do. Just bitch, bitch, bitch.

Started at 2:00 pm

I’m depressed. Not that this is an unusual occurance, I do take anti-depressants for a reason. But I’m depressed. I’m so depressed I’ve been singing nearly everything that plays on my computer – the exception would be some of deathboy’s songs that I’ve got on the computer still because I’m too lazy to listen to them all and delete the ones I don’t like. Besides, deathboy isn’t – generally – worksafe.

So I know I’m depressed because I don’t usual sing along with everything, just with bits and pieces of songs. I also know I’m depressed because I’m sitting here in the Lariat with the bear Lindy gave me at my elbow and I know I’ll be picking it up in a while to play with it again, the same as I’ve done off and on all day.

None of which anyone really cares about except me but I’m going to post this anyway. After I get back to work and type it up. But I am going to type it up.

And, other than the girl-child still being missing I don’t have any reason to be depressed. I have a good job that pays me enough I don’t feel guilty about spending money on junkfood, comics, movies, and books. I could stand to have someone else do the laundry, but it all gets done eventually, even if I do it at 6:30 just before I go home.

But I’m depressed and it has very little to do with my daughter being a run-away, though that is probably making it worse. It has more to do with my nightmares last night. Which only briefly touched on her.

And how much was true nightmare and how much was surpressed memories is a question I doubt even a psychiatrist could answer.

Which means I was dreaming about my father again. I hate dreams about him, they always make me feel so dirty.

Mom has mentioned several times that it bothers my dad that I don’t call him that. When I’m talking to him I always call him Bill. But when I’m talking about him I call him my dad. I can do that because when I’m talking about him I’m calling him Dad to differentiate between him and my father. But calling someone ‘Dad’ has all those childhood associations with my father. So it makes me uncomfortable.

It’s why I refuse to go to the MacDougall family reunions. Why should I go and see a bunch of people most of whom I haven’t seen in at least 20 years and most of whom are likely to ask me about my father when I haven’t heard from or seen him in more than 15 years and who – I have discovered – I would prefer to know is dead. Even worse than the possibility I’d be asked about him is the possibility he’d be there and he’d try to talk to me. I may consent to going to a reunion after he’s dead and buried but not before. And I don’t care what anyone has to say about it.

My cousin Linda - well, actually my father and her husband Grant are the cousins - asks me - close to every time I see her - how my dad is and I always ask if she means my dad or my father. She gets snippy about it, like I don’t have the right to call my dad my dad. My response is generally ‘How would I know? I haven’t seen him in years.’

She didn’t ask me today. Possibly because the last time she asked me I responded, ‘How the fuck would I know and why would I fucking care? And why do you keep asking me the same fucking question?’

I didn’t actually use those words to ask her, but I was very tempted to.

All I was from him is a death notification. I don’t want his money, or his books, or anything else he might own. I just want to know he’s dead.

That’s a lie. I do want his books. No bibliophile worth the name wouldn’t want them. I want the what-not cupboard too. But I’d be perfectly content to get nothing out of his death except a copy of his death certificate and the opportunity to spit on his grave.

Possibly to dance on it. Aunty Sandy promised to come with me to do that if I needed someone with me. I want to go to his funeral. And I’m taking a knife with me. Just so I can stab the body and truly know he’s dead. Does that make me petty?

I occasionally have this fantasy that I get this phone call from the police saying my fahter has been shot. And my response is always the same. "Who shot him? Her or her father?" And there’s always silence on the other end. Only once in all the various incarnations of the dream was there anything but silence. In that dream the officer on the other end replied, "Her mother actually. But I didn’t tell you that."

It was just the automatic reponse that made me feel better about myself.

Anyway, if anyone cares, my nightmares last night revolved around showers. I don’t like showers. In point of face I loathe showers. I have ever since I was a child. Given a choice between a shower in a sparkling clean stall and a bath in a tub I’d have to clean first I’ll take the bath everytime.

Anyway (again) my nightmare or repressed memory had me in the shower in my father’s trailer. With my father. Who had a hard time keeping his hands off me. No, let me rephrase that. Who made no effort whatsoever to keep his hands off me. What makes me think this might be a memory is that I was little. I would have been about eight at the time. Specific details keep rolling through my mind and wormed their way into every other dream I had last night.

On the bright side if it was a memory I know why I don’t like showers, blowjobs, and guys grabbing me by the hair.

Fuck, now I’m really depressed.

I hate that I feel the need to justify anything to anyone. This is my fucked up like and I’m dealing with it the best I can and I don’t have to justify anything to anyone.

I don’t have to justify getting new glasses and contacts to my mother – but I did. I don’t have to justify buying a new memory card for my brother’s Gamecube but... no wait. I didn’t have to. He just asked me when I’d bought it, not why. I don’t have to justify why I don’t like showers I just don’t fucking like them.

Why? Because I don’t.

Why can’t that be the end of the discussion on the subject? Why does there have to be a reason for it? Why does there have to be a reason for it at all?

Why does there have to be a reason for anything? Why can’t everyone just accept ‘Because that’s the way I feel’ as a final answer.

Fuck, I’m depressing myself even more. This is how depressed I am. I’m starting to philosophize about morality issues.

So, I’m going back to the hotel - I say as I rest my chin on my bear for comfort - to be dressed at work when the music comes commerical free and I can be as bitchy as I want because I’m the boss and no one can fire me. Well, I guess the owners can if they want but that thought is really depressing and I’m dressed enough. So I’m the boss and I can’t be fired because I’m the boss.

Interlude at 3:15 pm

So, now I'm back at work and still depressed. I'm depressed because the fucking flies won't stay out of my hair and the only thing more annoying than a fly crawling through your hair is two of them crawling through your hair in two different places. Creeps me out.

But, life sucks anyway, right?

I have this serious urge to go home, change, and start driving. Stop when I run out of gas money and set up a new life wherever I am. Which is hopefully someplace warm.

I am so glad I'm not the type of person who thinks of suicide. Not even when I'm depressed. Running away yes but not not suicide.

My bear is sitting on my lap watching as I type. Occasionally I have to stop typing so it can wave its paws to the music while I think about how I want to say whatever I'm trying to say. What was I trying to say again?

I'm depressing myself with this so I'm stopping now and going to do something hopefully not so depressing until it's time to go home. Then I'm going to kill things in video games. I might do that now, I think I've got a couple video games with me where I can kill things. That's a possibility that might help cheer me up.

/bitch of the day

Sus Chapter Thirteen

2006-09-20T15:45:00Z

And just in case you've forgotten what came before in any of these they're all saved in my memories. I'll add a link at the bottom of this post.

-- 13 --

Rebb stood waiting in the courtyard watching Sume ride in. He walked over and fell to his knees, "I am sorry, My Lord."

"I know you did what you thought was best, Ashone."

"I leave my punishment to you, and the punishment of the riders as well."

"It had to be done," Sume assured him. "No one will be punished for this."

"My Lord King," Shaka said, coming into the courtyard. "Would you please inform your Sorceress that her spell is interfering with the duties of the Brin?"

"I will speak with her about it," he assured her. "Where is she?" he asked Rebb.

"Mom is in her room in the tower," Missy said, coming over to take his horse. "She hasn’t moved since she went up there two days ago."

"Are you worried about her, Little one?"

"She’s my mother," Missy said simply.

"See that my horse is taken to the stables."

"Yes, My Lord." Missy agreed, heading for the stables. "Sir..."

"Yes, Missy?"

"You might want to tell Toman you don’t blame him either, he’s awfully upset that he couldn’t do more. But Casin Tyrel says he stopped Felwin from binding Octon’s spirit."

"I’ll stop and talk to him." he promised. "Treat him well."

"Thank you," Missy said softly. She smiled at the horse, "Come on, Trell, let’s get you to the stable."

"Walk with me, Ashone."

"Yes, My lord King," Rebb agreed. "What can I do for you?"

"You promoted Tyrel?"

"No, My Lord, Lady Sus did. You may want to speak with her about his part in your father’s death."

"If Tyrel killed him, it was at her order, and he will not remember doing it. When the question arises about who killed Octon, she will take all the blame, and she will deal with the guilt herself."

"You are not angry with her?"

"I accept what I see in her, she is the Dark, but she is not evil."

"I know what she is," Rebb told him, "that’s why I listened to what she had to say. She gave the orders to make it look like an attack, I didn’t know about the rest of her plan, destroying the camp and converting Velna."

"I didn’t know about Velna."

"She’s living in the tower, she’s stayed out of sight, but she’s still there."

"I will deal with her."

"You will have to deal with a lot of things, Sume," Rebb said, looking at him, "she’s one of your smaller problems."

"We’ll manage. With Felwin out of the way and Dale on his way back from wherever he is."

"The Sorceress sent him the deal with Cella in Asiph."

"She thought we might run into him on his way back."

"You might have. I watched him ride away. It took him less than a handful of breaths before he was out of sight."

"That’s right, he’s got one of the windbeasts."

"I never knew they weren’t horses until Tyrel and the others told me what went on in the camp. Her horse, he’s a man."

"I know," Sume agreed, pushing open the tower door. "The riders are keeping a watch on?"

"I’ve sent out two more patrols as well. There are still the Darkriders they sent after you."

"You don’t have to worry about them," Sume assured him. "Toman..."

Toman looked up and whinnied, shaking his head violently.

"You did more than I expected from you, and Missy tells me you saved his spirit. He was an old man, and he was ready to die if the cause was good enough."

Toman neighed peacefully and nudged Nat out of the stall.

"And how are you doing?"

"My Lord," Nat said, "I don’t know if it’s my place to tell you this, but when I ordered oats for Toman and Rosso, Tec, he sent bad oats."

"He knew of this?"

"He said he would not waste good oats on beasts not fit to be rode. If he had his way, they would get nothing at all."

"He also refused to let Rosso into the stables with the horses for the other trainees," Rebb said quietly.

"I know it’s not my place to criticize him, he is the head groom..."

"It is your place," Sume informed Nat, "to tell me or Sus everything that affects Toman, Rosso, or Pona. That is your job, to see to their well-being. You threw out the oats I trust?"

"Yes, My Lord, and then I," he looked down at the ground.

Sume laughed, "You broke into the storehouse and stole good oats for them," he said, picking the images from the groom’s mind.

"I knew someone had been in the storehouse," Rebb agreed, "but I did not want to accuse anyone."

"You did not want to say I did it," Velna said from the bottom step. "You do not need to like me, Ashone, and I do not like you, but I serve the Kraina. My Lord," she said to Sume, "if you need me, I have been sent on an errand by Charles."

Sume smiled at her, "You and I will speak when I have finished with Sus."

"Yes, My Lord," Velna said, walking past them and out of the tower.

"Charlie must know you’re back."

"Will you deal with Tec or do you want me to do it?"

"It would be my pleasure." Rebb said, smiling, "I never liked him, he looked down on me because I wasn’t highborn."

"I know. And find one of the riders who can take some time every week to teach in the school my father was planning."

"Casin Weth might be able to find the time."

"No, I want him to continue focusing his attention on teaching the new riders. It won’t take long for them to replace our friends out there."

"Yes, My Lord. About your belongings, my Lord?"

"I will have them removed today. Missy and Met can do it."

"I already had them move your belongings, My Lord, to the tower."

Sume looked at him, "Do you fear me that much, Rebb?"

"I don’t know what I fear, Sume. I listen to her, and she tells me that most of the men I leave with her and Octon will die, and that my king will die. And I still do what she wants me to do, I take Shaka back here against her will, and I leave five of my best men in her hands."

"And?" Sume prodded.

"And we wait. And not long after nightfall the camp we were headed for explodes, and the Sorceress and Velna of Cola are standing outside the walls arguing like tavern whores on a break. And she tells me that Bares and Prin died by her hand, and I know my king is dead, but the rest of my men are on the way, and the enemy is free to go."

"And yet she is still here."

"Velna of Cola is the greatest threat this castle has ever let through the gates. And I do not like her, but right now, I would rather have her at my back than anyone else alive save you or Sus."

Sume smiled, "It is an odd feeling, isn’t it? Trusting someone who would have killed you without a thought three days ago."

"Yes, it is odd."

"I will deal with Velna of Cola, you get to deal with that highborn incompetent of a head groom."

They both laughed and went their separate ways, Rebb back out into the courtyard and Sume upstairs to see Sus.

Sume walked into the workroom to find chaos ruling. Charlie was trying to get an argument between the four children settled before they came to blows.

"How is she?" he asked Charlie.

"Alive," he said, grabbing JJ. "Take Sume upstairs to Mommy."

JJ nodded and ran over to take Sume’s hand, tugging on it and heading for the stairway. "Come on," he said pulling harder.

"Do you need any help?"

"I’ll deal with them," he sighed.

Sume looked at them, "This is no way for the apprentices of the Lady Sus to be behaving," he said flatly. "You are disgracing yourselves and her."

The three of them turned to look at him, "Who are you?" the biggest demanded.

"I am Sume, King of this kingdom and Bloodmate to your mistress."

They looked at the floor, "We’re sorry," the smallest said.

"Now, what is this all about?" Sume asked, swinging JJ up.

"It’s all her fault. She won’t admit that there are things girls can’t do. Like be wizards."

"He’s right," Sume informed the girl, "girls can’t be wizards."

"But that’s not fair!" she protested, her hair sticking out all over her head as she built up power.

"And boys can never be Malla or Kraina, both of which can cast circles around a wizard any day." He smiled at her, "You can’t let what other people say get to you. If you get angry, they win. If you stay calm, you win."

"I’ll try," she promised. "I can really be Malla?"

"If you work at it hard enough. Now, why don’t all of you," he looked at Charlie, "go to the castle and bug my steward."

"I’m sure we can find something else to do," Charlie said, taking JJ from Sume. "We’ll leave you alone for a few hours."

"Thank you," Sume said heading across the workshop for the staircase leading to Sus’ floor. He silently climbed the stairs and crossed to the bed, "How are you?"

Sus rolled over and looked at him *How am I supposed to be?*

*You are supposed to feel as guilty as sin.* Sume assured her. "Did you know about Velna and Rebb before you brought her here?"

"I didn’t bring her, she teleported at the same time I did, this was the only place she could be sure I wouldn’t allow Saber to destroy. She didn’t have the attention to hear the binding I used on him."

"A fitting end for Octon," Sume said, wrapping his arms around her. "He died fighting for a cause he believed in Sus."

*I couldn’t even do it myself.*

*Rebb told me. Tyrel still remembers shooting the arrow.*

*He wanted to remember, he,* she frowned, though she knew he couldn’t see it. *He knew I wouldn’t be able to do it, and he told me when the time came, he would kill Octon.*

*I know. I never left you Sus, until you started the spell, I saw it all.* Sume lifted her chin, "You never did give me that good news you promised me."

Sus laughed, "I don’t feel like telling you yet. Later," she promised.

"Shaka would have you lift this spell you have on the castle."

"I have no spell on the castle," Sus told him softly.

"She says you do."

"Charlie has a spell on the castle, and he promised me not lift it until you gave him permission to. I didn’t trust myself to wait."

"I should get started on the..."

"Please stay with me," Sus asked softly. "I need you to hold me."

Sume carefully kissed her, "I have never turned down the request of my Lady Queen," he said, releasing her and standing.

Rebb looked up as the screams started. He sheathed the sword he was working on and ran for the courtyard. He came to a circle of people jeering and yelling at someone in the center. He pushed through the crowd until he was at the center of the circle.

Someone on the other side of the circle threw a rock at Velna, and others moved to follow suit. Rebb stepped into the small clearing they had allowed her, "The next person to throw anything at her will die, and every one after that will face the King’s punishment."

An old woman grabbed a rock from one of the young men beside her and threw it at Velna, hitting her in the head. Rebb drew his sword and stepped toward the woman, "Are you going to kill me over that?" the woman demanded, pointing at Velna.

Rebb took in a deep breath and swung his sword, cutting the woman’s hand off, "I will not kill you, but I cannot let you go unpunished. You are to get your belongings and leave the castle."

The old woman started to scream and the crowd started to close in on them. Several riders pushed through the crowd and drew their swords. They looked from the old woman to Rebb’s bloody sword to Velna.

"This woman is to leave the castle, and never to return. Take her to the healer’s and have them look at her arm, then let her gather up whatever she wants to take with her and escort her out of the castle. If she returns, the punishment is death."

Several of the riders sheathed their swords, "I will not banish an innocent woman over her," Brend looked at Velna.

"You will do as I order," Rebb said, stepping toward him, "or you can join her."

"I will not..."

Rebb turned his back on Brend and walked over to Velna, "Are you hurt?"

"I will survive," she said, climbing to her feet and holding her arm.

"You are hurt," he said, carefully taking her arm and looking at it. The gash ran from her wrist to just above her elbow, "Who did this?" he demanded from the crowd.

"Will you banish them as well?" Brend taunted.

Everyone stared as his head fell and he collapsed. Dores knelt and wiped his blade on Brend’s pant leg. "You two," he pointed to the other two riders who had refused to follow the order, "take this woman to the healer’s compound."

"We still outnumber you," one of the crowd jeered. "That is Velna of Cola!"

"I am well aware of her identity," Rebb said, pointing his sword, "but she has sworn an oath to follow my queen, that puts her under the protection of this castle and all in it."

"Your queen is nothing but an outland whore to the bastard prince."

Shaka walked into the circle, looked at the woman, then turned to Velna, "Let me look at your arm, child."

"How dare you!" the woman cried, picking up her hand. "Look what he did to me! How dare you ignore this!"

Shaka turned around, "I am Brin! I do not treat traitors and fools before those injured in innocence. No Brin worthy of the name would. I have faced this woman in battle and lost, and had she captured me she would have gladly taken my life, but she is here under the protection of the sorceress Sus, and I will grant her the benefit of my doubt until she betrays that trust."

"You witch!" the woman cried, grabbing the knife from Dores’ belt and lunging for Velna.

Shaka stepped between them and the knife pierced her heart, she fell to her knees, grabbing the knife hilt. She looked at Rebb, "I name Karen of Durell, she is to be Brin."

Rebb struck the woman’s head from her body as Shaka died, "Dores," he snapped, "snap out of it!"

Dores looked at him blankly, "I have killed Shaka."

"It could have been anyone," Rebb assured him. "It was not you, it was only your knife. Those two," he nodded at them, "I want them in my office in one hour, until then, lock them up."

Dores nodded and drew his sword, "You heard the Ashone!" he snapped. "Move."

The crowd started to drift apart, in shock over what they had just seen. Rebb sheathed his sword and picked up Velna, carrying her to the tower. "Nat! Get Sume and Sus to Velna’s room now. And then go and find Karen and Eric."

"Yes Ashone." Nat said, running up the stairs ahead of Rebb.

Rebb climbed the stairs slowly, stopping at the third floor and waiting. He picked the first door and kicked it open with his foot, carrying her to the bed and laying her on it. He pulled the covers over her and turned to face Sume.

"I didn’t know what else to do with her."

Nat looked at Sume, "He’s told you what to do." He pointed at the door and walked over to the bed. "You did the right thing, Rebb."

"How is she?" Sus asked, bringing in a basin of water.

"When Shaka was hit, she collapsed. She wasn’t that weak," he protested.

"Can you imagine the backlash from The Brin taking a knife intended for you?" Sus asked Sume. "She’ll be lucky to survive this."

"You saw?"

"We heard the screams. I knew you could handle it," Sume told him. "A pity about Dores being the one who’s knife she grabbed. You’ll have to keep an eye on him for a few days."

Rebb nodded and stood, "I should see to the body."

"The Brin will deal with it. You will have to face their council," Sume told him, "because she named her heir to you."

"Karen of Durell," he agreed.

"What of me?" Karen asked coming in behind Nat. "What happened out there?"

"Shaka moved to heal Velna, the old woman grabbed a knife and tried to kill her, Shaka stepped in the path, taking the knife meant for her," he looked at Velna. "As she was dying, her last words were to name you to her place as Brin."

"I can’t," Karen said, shaking her head and crossing over to Velna. "I’m not qualified."

"You are the named heir, if you refuse it will throw the council and the brin into a war over her position. You have no ties, there are no favourites to you, all are equal," the old man said from behind her. "You must do it."

"I can’t," she said, looking into Velna’s eyes. "Her mind has closed itself. I can heal her wounds, but she will have to find her own way out."

"But she will recover?" Rebb asked her.

"If she feels a reason to," Karen agreed. "She’s in shock. She can’t believe that a woman who hated her would willingly do what Shaka did, give up her life to save hers."

"What of my orders?" Rebb asked Sume. "How do I deal with the riders when they will not obey me?"

"Give them time," Sume suggested, "I want riders to watch the courtyard to see that this does not happen again. What would have happened if you had not stepped in?" he asked suddenly.

"They would have killed her," he answered honestly. "I am quite sure of that. There is something else you should know..."

"They don’t like us," Sus guessed.

"No," he agreed, "they do not. I will not tell you what was said, but if I had not been alone, I would have killed him for it."

"I will deal with that," Sume said, crossing his arms. "Do you want to stay until she wakes up?"

"No," Rebb said, looking at Karen as she stood. "I have to think about what I am going to tell Met."

"What does Met have to do with this?" Sume asked him.

"The old woman I killed, she was his grandmother."

"That is not going to be easy," Sume agreed. "I’ll tell him."

"No, I did it, I’ll tell him. I have to make a decision on Tyrel as well, do I make him Casin or not?"

"That is your decision," Sume told him, "not mine. They are my riders, but they are your command now. I will back whatever decision you make."

Rebb nodded, "I would like to know when she recovers."

"I will have someone tell you," Sus promised. "You did well."

"Then why do I feel like I betrayed them?"

"Because you did what was right, not what they wanted you to do. It’s harder than it sounds."

"I’m not making Tyrel Casin," he said suddenly, "I’m giving the position to Dores."

Sus smiled, "I like that. He won’t though."

"Is that why he did it?" Rebb asked her, "so he could become casin?"

"No," she said sadly, "he did it because I didn’t have the strength to."

He nodded silently and left the room.

My Memories

Cookie Part 10

2006-09-20T15:40:04Z

Takes longer to find out where I'd left off writing some of these then it took to write bits.

"Nilbert holding called while you were out."

"What did they say?"

"How many do you want? What do you want for bucks and does? When do you want them?"

"I won’t know the answer to any of those questions until the day after tomorrow," Cookie admitted. "I only visited one holding besides Mr. Barrows."

"Harper."

"Bobo is calling all the other holders together and proposing it as his idea. He thinks it’s a good idea, but..." she shrugged.

"But anything you propose to Bobo he’s going to think is a good idea."

"Sure," Cookie agreed, "and he wasn’t ready to throw me off the holding and ban me for life."

"What did you say to the man?"

"His granddaughter Amy..."

"Two years older than Paula. Oh," he breathed as it sunk in. "Getting a little familiar with one of the young warriors?"

"Bobo caught him with his hand down her dress," Cookie admitted. "And I told him he was being an ass because..."

"Because if it was one of his grandsons he wouldn’t think twice about it but because she’s a she it’s wrong."

"Same argument I used on you," Cookie admitted. "It’s not fair. I told him she was old enough to say no all by herself and old enough to say yes if she wants to. They won’t do anything to hurt her."

"What did he say?"

"He won’t free the buck," Cookie shrugged, "but he’s given her permission to bed him if she wants. If she still wants him in a year, when she’s marriageable, then he’ll free him."

"That’s a big step for a man to take with his only granddaughter," the governor said.

"As big a step as admitting you’ve lost control of your daughter?" Cookie asked him. "I think it would be best if I didn’t attend the meeting, just on general principles."

"No," Doud corrected his daughter, "it would be best if you did. You’re my supervisor, Carolyn, I won’t have you hiding it. Not with the neighbors."

"Yes sir."

"You have time to go up and change if you want before dinner."

Cookie looked down at her dress, "Are we having company?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Chapman are joining us for dinner."

"Do you want Metta in the house?"

"Not tonight."

"If we’re having company I’d best go get ready." Cookie headed for the stairs. "Was it hard?" she asked him. "Telling Bobo that you’ve..."

"Yes it was," he agreed. "As hard as it’s going to be to tell Mr. Chapman what you did to his son. I’ll let you do it in private, neither your mother nor Mrs. Chapman needs to hear. And certainly not your sisters."

Cookie shook her head, "No."

"Carolyn," he warned.

"Why?"

"Apparently Gil has sent his father word that he wants to check on his tilita. I will not lie to him. And neither will you."

Cookie didn’t answer him but hurried up the stairs and into her room. Slamming the door behind her.

"About that business matter, Doud?"

"Carolyn is the supervisor of the field slaves," the governor said briefly. "Carolyn?"

Cookie looked at her father with pure hate in her eyes, then looked at Mr. Chapman, her eyes neutral. "What did you want to know?"

"My son was asking about one of your slaves."

"May I be excused, Father?"

"Certainly."

"If you’d care to step into the office, Mr. Chapman, I’m sure I can help you." She stood and stepped away from the table. She stopped at the door and waited.

Mr. Chapman glanced at the governor before standing. "Excuse me, Ladies, I’m sure this won’t take long."

Cookie led the way into the office and turned to face Mr. Chapman, "What exactly do you want to know, Mr. Chapman?"

"My son came over at the festival several months ago."

"I’m aware of that," Cookie stated. "I saw him there."

"He was quite taken with one of the young ladies. I don’t recall what her name was, but apparently he ran into her the day after the festival and..." he stopped and cleared his throat. "Well..."

"The words you’re looking for, Mr. Chapman, are, he laid her. In the kesee pines surrounding the lake."

"You seem to know quite a bit about this situation."

"I’m the supervisor," Cookie pointed out. "It’s my job to know these things. But I have a little more intimate knowledge of this particular situation."

"Really?"

Cookie took a deep breath and released it slowly, "Mr. Chapman, there were no Doud slaves on your holding that day. The girl your son laid was me. Not one of our slaves."

"You’re saying my son took you to his bed?"

"No," Cookie smiled a little, "I’m saying he laid me in the kesee pines surrounding the lake. He didn’t know who I was, he thought I was a Doud slave."

"And you didn’t find it necessary to correct him?"

Cookie walked over to the window and looked out, remembering. She raised her hand to her lips, her eyes closing. "No, I didn’t find it necessary to correct him. At the time the only thing that was necessary was that he didn’t stop what he was doing."

"And what should I tell my son the next time he asks me about the slave girl he thinks he loves?"

"Tell him whatever you like," Cookie said bluntly. "If you don’t tell him the truth before he returns then I will afterwards."

"Look at me."

Cookie turned around, "Yes, Mr. Chapman?"

"Tell me the truth. If my son comes back, after he knows the truth about who you are, if he would take you to his bed would you go? Not marriage, not courting, just bedding you."

Cookie closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and met his stare, "Yes."

"You never even considered complaining about his actions, did you?"

Cookie shook her head, "No."

"What does your father think of this situation?"

"It would have been nice of me to not involve a holder," Cookie said with a little smile. "I’m not a little girl, Mr. Chapman, my father knows that he can’t tell me what I can and can’t do. He doesn’t like it, but he knows it."

"You’re the youngest..." he stopped. "You obviously know the truth."

"I’ve told you what I have to, Mr. Chapman. If you’ll excuse me, I want to go change and go down to the village."

"Why?"

"Because I’m in serious need of some TLC."

"And will you run from my son’s arms to..."

"Mr. Chapman, who I have in my bed is none of your business either. Excuse me." Without waiting for his permission she left the office and went up the back stairs to her room.

"Your father said..." Mr. Chapman stopped as he saw the baby in Cookie’s arms.

Cookie glanced down at the baby, "Not mine." She shook her head and dismissed him from her attention. "She’s beautiful, Danna." She smiled at the girl, "Toan da jonama." She is beautiful.

Danna blushed, smiling at Cookie shyly.

"She’s still afraid that you’re going to take her baby from her," Sasha informed her.

"She’ll learn that I won’t," Cookie shrugged it off. She sighed suddenly and handed the baby back to the girl. "Do you need anything else?"

"Did you get Darcy her seeds?"

"Darcy got her seeds," Cookie agreed. "I assume she’s got the garden planted by now. And if she doesn’t have enough she has Mr. Barrows’ permission to go back anytime and get more. He was positively taken with her."

"Some people like her," Sasha agreed. "And then there’s you."

"It’s not that I don’t like her," Cookie said quickly. "I have nothing against her, but we don’t get along."

"You don’t like her," Sasha corrected her. "Don’t try to make it look nice. You don’t like her, she doesn’t like you, you both have to live with it."

"I don’t have to," Cookie told her as she moved to the door, "I could sell her."

"And have every girl in the village mad at you when they suddenly have to take over the duties of cooking for the village?"

"That’s why I don’t sell her."

Sasha laughed and shook her head. "Where else are you going?"

"I want to talk to my chahanga." Cookie left the hut, still ignoring Mr. Chapman.

Cookie made her way through the center towards Moon Eyes’ hut.

"Cookie," someone called to her.

Cookie stopped and looked over, "What do you want?"

"Do you want to come and sit with us?"

"No." She started walking again.

"Victor," Amber ordered one of the new bucks, "go get her."

"She’s a holder," he said bluntly.

"She’s Star Princess," Amber corrected. "Tello," she looked at him. "Will you go get her?"

Tello gave her a kiss, fierce and possessive, then stood and followed Cookie. He knew where she was going but he didn’t catch her before she ducked inside. With a sigh Tello ducked inside the hut after her. "Eldest One," he addressed Moon Eyes politely, "I have orders to bring your chalili to the fire circle. Will you give me leave to do that?"

"Orders from who?" Moon Eyes asked.

"My tilita."

Moon Eyes laughed, "Then you have my permission, since I would not want her angry with me any more than you do. You had best go with him, Chalili."

"I do not..."

Tello sighed again, grabbed Cookie’s arm, and pulled her into his grasp. "Star Princess, my tilita said to bring you to her. You’re a yesti in our village."

"Tello," Cookie sighed.

"Don’t make me carry you, Star Princess," he pleaded.

"Go with him, Chalili."

Cookie sighed again, bowed to Moon Eyes, and let Tello lead her out of the hut and back to the fire circle. Tello pushed her into an empty spot, between two warriors, and took his place with Amber again.

"Amber," Cookie sighed at her.

"Tonight you need to be Star Princess," Amber told her. "A moment snatched here or there will never make up for a bed that is empty too many nights."

Cookie laughed suddenly, "Amber," she looked at her friend, "if you’re not willing to share..."

Amber looked at Tello, "There are others."

"Not that I want," Cookie teased her easily. "What are they? But Tello?"

Victor pulled Cookie into his kiss suddenly, "What is he?"

Cookie gave him a critical look, "What is who?" she asked innocently.

Victor kissed her again, his hand going under the edge of her skirt. Cookie pulled away from him, wetting her lips. "On the other hand," her breathing was fast, "my chahanga can wait until morning."

"I still have things to say to you."

Cookie looked at Mr. Chapman, "So say them."

"What are you playing at? Do you think that just because..."

"Star Princess is one of our village," Amber told him. "Just because she’s also Miss Carolyn we’re supposed to ignore her? Your son didn’t ignore her."

"What do you know about my son?"

"I know he wanted to fight for her," Amber said bluntly. "I know that. I know he let her back him down from it."

"I know he watched her all night," Tello continued. "And when she left the center with her talita he proceeded to get very drunk."

"I know he wouldn’t even look at any of us," Rachel pouted from across the fire from Cookie, her hand resting on the thigh of the warrior whose arm was around her shoulders.

"And I know he’d be very disappointed to find you like this," Mr. Chapman said bluntly.

Cookie laughed, "Disappointed? Only if I wouldn’t sit with him. Don’t fool yourself, Mr. Chapman, your son never thought I was innocent. He got caught up in the festivities, and he let himself get carried away. He’s not in love, not with me anyway."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because he left," Cookie said simply. "If he was in love he wouldn’t have left after he found out I wasn’t well."

"I forced him to leave," Mr. Chapman told her.

Cookie shrugged her indifference, "He still left."

"Mr. Chapman," Charles appeared at the edge of the firelight, "your wife is ready to leave."

"Are you going to allow her to act like this?"

Charles looked at Cookie, "That’s not my decision."

"I thought you didn’t approve of her acting like..."

"That is no longer my decision," Charles repeated. "Miss Carolyn is free to act however she likes. Her father has said so."

"Yes he did," Cookie agreed, watching Mr. Chapman leave.

"Your mother wants to know if you’ll be returning to the house tonight."

"It’s possible," Cookie replied. "Tell her I might, but I doubt it."

"Yes, Miss Carolyn."

Victor deliberately slid his hand further under Cookie’s skirt, pushing it up until it barely covered her.

Charles said something under his breath, turned, and walked away.

"I wouldn’t want to get in his way tonight," Tello stated. "That is one majorly pissed off butler."

Cookie joined in the laughter, leaning against Victor. She watched Charles as he walked away, frowning a little.

"What are you thinking?"

"He’s very angry with me," she admitted.

"So?" Victor asked. "He’s a slave, you’re a holder."

Cookie pulled away from him a little, loosening the laces on her dress and letting the back slide down. "Hasn’t stopped him yet."

"What does your back look like, Cookie?" Amber asked.

Cookie turned so they could all see the scars.

"Wow," Tello reached out and ran his finger along one of the scars. He pulled his hand away quickly as Cookie hissed in pain. "I knew they were bad but..."

"That’s what I get," Cookie waved it off, straightening her dress out. "Trust me, that’s one man you never want on the other end of the whip if he’s mad at you."

Amber chuckled, "The other end of his fist either. That was a pretty good shot you took when he didn’t like your answer."

"That I’m used to," Cookie admitted, tossing her head.

"If you know it’s coming, why don’t you duck?"

"I did once," Cookie admitted.

"What happened?"

"I learned it was safer to let him hit me the first time."

"But you’re a holder."

Cookie shook her head, moved his hand, and stood up. "I’m also going to bed." Victor started to stand up as well and Cookie added, "Alone."

"You don’t have to," Amber told her quickly. "You can..."

Cookie shook her head again, "I’m okay. Really."

"But he’s been gone for months."

"And I had a very interesting conversation with Mr. Howes supervisor while we were checking on the fifth field. Really, I’m fine."

Amber studied her intently, "If you change your mind," she offered.

"Would you stop giving me away like a..." Tello growled at her, only have joking. "I’m not something you can..."

Amber silenced him with a kiss, "Ta bina, shut up." My love

Tello sat there staring at her in surprise, too shocked to speak.

"You know I..." Amber said to Cookie.

"I know," Cookie agreed. "I’ll survive. I do that very well."

Amber nodded and sat back into Tello’s arms. "Okay, Cookie."

Cookie took a couple steps, then looked back, "By the way," she smiled, "I’m forming a new harvest team before planting. You’re going to head it, Amber." She walked away, listening to the sudden rise of conversation behind her.

"Were you going to give the team to her before?"

"Ca Chahanga," Cookie answered Moon Eyes. "I was going to give her the next team formed anyway. She’s earned it."

"They are going to think..."

"Let them think what they will," Cookie dismissed it. "I know why I gave her the team."

"As do I," he agreed. "You could have had any of them tonight had you wanted them."

"I know," Cookie agreed. "Good-night, Chahanga."

"Good-night, Chalili."

"Then we’re all agreed?" Bobo asked the assembled holders.

"We haven’t heard anything from Doud."

"Mr. Harper already knows that Doud is in favor of the arrangement," Cookie said simply.

"Really?"

"Yes, Mr. Strom, really."

"You’ll be giving Chapman access through your holding, of course."

Cookie gave a brief smile, "Most likely. My father will have to discuss that with Mr. Chapman."

"Why not you?"

"Mr. Chapman and I aren’t seeing eye to eye right now," Cookie admitted.

"And why is that?"

"A personal matter between the holdings," Cookie replied.

"Be a little more specific."

"It’s none of your business."

"I’m making it my business."

Cookie smirked, "If you insist, Mr. Bradley. It’s quite simple really. Master Chapman..."

"Crumble," Bobo asked, his voice heavy with amusement, "were you a bad girl?"

"Bobo," Cookie looked at him in surprise, "would I do anything that could be called bad?" her voice was innocent but the smile on her lips would never be called that.

"Yes. Did you?"

"Yes," she agreed just as simply.

"And what do you call..."

"Mr. Bradley, it’s still none of your business," Cookie told him. "It’s a personal matter between the holdings."

"Without more information than that I’m afraid Bradley holding will have to..."

"Get off your high horse, Jeremy," Strom cut him off. "She’s said it’s a personal matter between the holdings. Even if it is a personal matter between her and Master Chapman it’s still none of your business. If you don’t want in that’s fine, but don’t say it’s because she won’t tell you any more."

"She’s..."

"I’m my father’s supervisor," Cookie cut him off. "I’m also an owner in my own right. I’m a good supervisor, or so my father has said. Mr. Chapman and I aren’t seeing eye to eye right now, there’s nothing more to say."

"Why not?"

"Because I’m not what he wants me to be," Cookie said honestly.

"Are you what your father wants you to be?"

"My father wants me to be happy," Cookie told Strom. "Isn’t that what every father wants for their children? For them to be happy?"

"Are you?"

"I’ll survive," Cookie said simply.

"Are we all in favor of this agreement?" Bobo asked quickly.

One by one all the holdings agreed. Bradley being the last to agree.

"Crumble," Bobo didn’t bother to pretend this was his idea now that they’d agreed to it, "is the aggie population large enough to survive hunting?"

"It will be," Cookie smiled at him. "You know Nilbert complains that aggie are eating them out of a living, I’ve offered to take a few of them off their hands."

"How many?"

"All of them," Cookie shrugged. "The elders will work the numbers for me. How many aggie will be hunted by each village in a year, how many bucks and does are needed to sustain that number, everything I need to know."

"How much is that going to cost you?"

"A fair amount," Cookie dismissed it with a shrug. "Doud holding won’t suffer for it."

"I think it’s only fair that we all share in that cost. We’re all going to be hunting the breaks, we should all pay to cover any stocking."

"I’m surprised at you, Jeremy," Bobo said honestly.

"I think there’s something that we’re not being told, but since I’ve already agreed to it, I’m going to..."

"I was thinking the same thing," Strom admitted. "You get the numbers, Miss Doud, and we’ll all share in that cost. It’s up to you if Chapman holding is involved. There’s no access to the breaks for them without crossing your holding."

"My father will talk to Mr. Chapman," Cookie gave a little smile.

"Will you go up and talk to Amy?" Bobo asked her suddenly. "Before you leave?"

"Do you have anything else to discuss?" Cookie asked the men. "My tutor comes in the morning, and I still haven’t done last week’s homework yet. If I go up now and talk to Amy," she mused.

Strom laughed, "Com me with the numbers when you’ve finalized them. I’ll not have Doud carrying this debt on their own."

"Excuse me, Gentlemen," Cookie stood and gave them a bow. "Bobo?"

"First door on the left," he told her. "I don’t know about that girl. This morning she wanted me to sell him."

Cookie laughed and left the room.

Athena part 6

2006-09-20T15:32:48Z

Since the stories were requested so nicely I'm going to do three posts. Maybe four posts. One for Athena, one for Sus, and one for Cookie. Of course, I'm doing these posts with my bear, the one my daughter gave me when she got back from holidays, sitting on my computer because I brought it to work with my today because I miss her. Which may lead to mindless violence happening in some story.

But not this one.

I woke to the smells of dinner cooking and my stomach growled. I checked the time, I’d only slept for a few hours, and climbed out of bed. I pulled on a robe and wandered out into the kitchen.

"Good evening."

"Hi, Cecile. Smells good."

"Sam said she was going home."

"And Rick?"

"I’m here," he pressed against my back, arms going around my waist.

I leaned back against him for a moment, then looked over my shoulder at him. "What happened?"

"Adam told me I have until morning to get my stuff out of his place. Then he stormed off to see if he could make things up with Travis. Sam and I talked for a while, she said she’s known for a while that you prefer men and she doesn’t. She went to tell Travis it was over, if that was necessary after Adam. She said to give her a call when you were ready to talk to her."

"You changed."

"I went and picked up my clothes and a few odds and ends I didn’t want to lose. They’re in my suitcases," he gestured at the bags beside the door. "I’ll find someplace to..."

"I told you," I cut him off, "if you stayed this afternoon you weren’t leaving. Ever."

Cecile began transferring food to serving dishes. Which she put on a tray. "Your father wants your company for dinner."

I looked over at the window, "Sunset isn’t for hours."

"You’ll have to wake him. Shower and dress first. You will have company after sunset. Bring him," she gestured at Rick with her elbow as she lifted the tray. "One of you get the door."

Rick walked over and opened the door for her, closing it when she was through it and down the hall. "What do you think that was about?"

"Darren probably woke Paris this afternoon. He’d already met Adam. But it might be..." I turned to look at the calender. "Could be coincidence. My birthday is next week. I’ll be eighteen."

"You seem so much older."

"Comes from living a double life."

"And what happens at eighteen?"

"Not a significant number to vampires," I admitted. "A hundred years is significant but not eighteen. But," I leaned on the counter and picked up a piece of fudge from the tray that was still out, "by vampire law I’m not even a real vampire yet. I haven’t been present to the council yet."

"The council?"

"The council of vampires who rule the city," I put the fudge down again. "Could be something totally different." I shrugged, "Could be nothing more than a dinner invitation from my father."

"But you don’t believe that."

I shrugged again, "Anything is possible. I’m going to go shower. Dinner’s never as good cold."

I had stopped playing in the bath about the age of six. And I had never had any desire to spend any length of time submersed in water. A bit of legacy from being raised by a vampire who had no need to bathe. Ten minutes after I climbed into the shower I was drying my hair, trying to decide what to wear.

"Should I change?"

"You look fine," I said, running a brush through my hair. It was still damp and I winced as I hit a knot.

Rick took the brush from me, set it aside, and picked up a comb. He worked through the knot and quickly combed the rest of my hair. "You smell intoxicating," he breathed against my neck.

"I have to get dressed," I slipped out of his hold and walked into my room. "I wish I knew who was coming," I admitted as I opened my closet. I frowned from a moment then pulled out a sun dress.

"Do you even own an undergarment?"

"Several. Corsets, bustiers, garter belts," I looked over my shoulder at him and grinned, "don’t wear them often, but I own them."

He sighed and shook his head as I slipped the sun dress on and wrapped the ties several times before knotting it behind my waist. "You don’t go for simple, do you."

"Simple is jeans and a T-shirt. Simple is for in a hurry. Or for school. Not for company that only comes out after dark. Even Paris deserves better than simple."

"And if the time is a coincidence?"

"It’s not like he’s going to introduce me to his new girlfriend," I pointed out, pulling out a pair of matching sandals."

"He might have fallen in..." he cut himself off abruptly.

I gave him a kiss on the cheek, "Never forget what I am, Rick. What he is. There is no feeling there. I’m not normal, not for a vampire and not for a human. I want you," I caressed his jaw, "and I do feel something for you but I can’t identify the feeling because emotions aren’t something I was raised with."

He nodded, "I do know. But you’re so warm," he touched my shoulder, "so passionate."

"We should go," I stepped away from him, "Cecile and supper are waiting."

Rick was surprised to find the meal was a sit down supper at a proper dining table. Apollo was a gracious host, making him feel like an honoured guest. He didn’t bother pretending to eat or drink, but he did make conversation that indicated he’d taken the time and effort to look into Rick’s life.

It seemed odd, because it was so normal.

"And have you considered a course of study, Athena?"

"I thought about breezing through a course on Victorian Era history," was the dry reply, "but decided on liberal arts."

"Why not history?" Cecile asked. "You’ve always shown such an interest in the stories your father and the others tell."

"I seriously doubt I’m going to be able to finish another four years of school."

"Why not?"

"I don’t think I’m ever going to be as susceptible to sunlight as other vampires but..."

"But you are a vampire and the sunlight does bother you," Apollo finished for her. "You knew this was coming."

"I know," she admitted. "I might not bother with university."

"And what will you do for money? You do realize I won’t support you once you’ve reached your majority - human and vampire."

"I still have my income," Rick spoke up.

"Marilyn Fields," Athena said.

"You know her? They say she hasn’t been herself for almost ten years."

"It was about three months after Athena’s eighth birthday. She was a little heavy-handed with her domination attempt," Apollo admitted. "Artemis still hasn’t forgiven her."

"It’s only been ten years," Athena sighed. "She’ll get over it."

"Artemis does head the council. And you have yet to be accepted by them."

"But Artemis is only one voice among many. And yes," she sighed, "I know Aphrodite makes it two strikes against me. But Hephaestus and Paris cancel them out. You cannot vote, unless someone else sponsors me, and that leaves only four. And I don’t think any of them are particularly against me."

"Dionysus."

"Dion and I get along well."

"Achilles."

"How did Paris ever sire him? They hate each other."

"Achilles hates Paris for embracing him. Before that they were," Apollo paused, "close."

"But despite his hatred for Paris Achilles has never shown me any animosity. He says I’m a pleasant change from the company of the past century. Give him fifty years and he might change his mind. If Paris was sponsoring me he might vote against me."

"Hermes."

"Will he come?"

"Artemis says he will."

Athena shrugged. "He will do as Artemis wishes. He always does." She looked over her shoulder at the window, "The sun is setting."

"Artemis will be here shortly."

Athena raised an eyebrow, "Is that safe?"

"She has given me her world she will be polite."

"You were saying about Miss Fields?"

"She’s admitting, to close associates, that she was raped and had a child almost 18 years ago. A child she promptly gave up for private adoption. She has, over the past ten years, accumulated a large file on her daughter, and changed her will about three years ago to leave everything to her."

"Which is you," Cecile guessed.

"I had a friend create some computer background to back up her story, and I had her keep a series of diaries about the year before I was born and afterwards. Some of her long time associates are sceptical about the story but she’s been seeing a psychiatrist for ten years now to help her deal with the trauma." Athena gave a cold smile, "Clumsy I am not anymore."

"Cold, vicious, and calculating," Rick said, smiling at her.

"And yet you sit at her table."

"I sit at her feet if that’s where she wants me," Rick said without looking over his shoulder.

"Is he your peace offering, Athena?"

Artemis grabbed Rick by the hair and lifted him to his feet. Before his chair hit the floor I was around the table.

She released her hold on Rick to face me. "I came because Apollo said you had a peace offering for me."

"He lied," I said, my eyes holding hers.

"I never said Athena had a peace offering," Dad corrected her with a sigh. "Do sit down, Artemis. I have rediscovered the pleasures of a dinner table. And Rick is my guest at my dinner table on this evening."

Artemis sneered but moved around Rick to take a seat at Dad’s right hand. "You said..."

"I said," he stopped as someone knocked on the door. "Get that, Athena."

I walked over and opened the door. "Hephaestus," I said happily. I gave him a hug and a kiss, "Come in. I wasn’t aware..."

"Your father has secrets from you yet, Child. Have the others arrived yet?"

"Artemis is here," I closed the door behind him.

"I was afraid I would be late," Hephaestus admitted.

"We were just having dinner," I gestured at the dining room. "Have a seat."

"I don’t recognize the young man."

"He has assumed the place of first among Athena’s household," Dad told him. "As such his presence is permitted as is Cecile’s. For we are still, technically, a single house yet and we are hosting this sitting."

I froze halfway back to the table for a moment, then walked back to open the door without realizing it as someone knocked.

"Are you going to invite me in or not?"

I stepped back and gave Aphrodite a little bow. "Welcome to our home."

She hmphed, stuck her nose in the air, and walked forward.

"Hey, Kiddo."

"Dion," I smiled at him. "Always a welcome guest."

He nodded and walked into the apartment, Achilles following him.

I closed the door but stayed close to answer it as Rick helped Cecile clear the table. The door opened and Paris walked in with Hermes and Nike.

Paris gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek but still bared his fangs when he saw Rick.

"You know very well you’d take him if I ever dropped him," I said softly.

"He cannot be bound."

"He doesn’t have to be."

Paris sat opposite Dad and everyone waited. Half an hour passed, silent, before another knock came on the door. I straightened up from where I was leaning on the door, and opened it. I looked at the vampire standing there and blinked once. "You aren’t who I was expecting."

"Well invite me in."

I felt Dad’s presence behind me and he put his hands on my shoulders. "Can we help you?"

"I just arrived in town and..."

"Sorry I’m late," Ares said, coming up the hall. "Hello, Luv," he gave me a quick hug and kiss. "Who’s he?" he jerked his thumb at the other vampire.

"We were just finding that out."

"I was given this address by Marshall Watts. He said he’s calling in your debt."

"Come in," Dad moved me aside and closed the door behind Ares and the stranger. "As it happens the council is now in sitting. If you’ll wait here," he gestured at the livingroom couch, "there is one pressing matter to be dealt with first."

He nodded and Dad motioned me forward. "You all know why we’re here. It is no mere formality as Paris has suggested. I present to this council my daughter, to be welcomed by this council as an equal."

Artemis sighed, "You think this will bring peace between she and I?"

"I think it’s high time," Hephaestus admitted. "She’s proven herself to each of us."

"She still walks by sunlight."

"I am still part mortal," I admitted. "I may always be."

"You have no right to speak."

"Artemis," I met her eyes, "this council may never recognize me as an equal but you will listen to what I have to say." She sat back in her chair, still bristling with anger. "You have fought Dad since..."

"He is not your father."

"He is the only father I’ve ever known, Artemis," I argued. "And that’s your point, isn’t it? You’ve all known me since I was a baby. You’ve all watched me grow up. Some of you, like Paris and Hephaestus are of the opinion that I’m a vampire who happens to still have mortal blood. Which probably isn’t the best way to put it since I’m quite sure my blood isn’t still mortal.

"But yes, Artemis, my heart still beats, my lungs still take in air, I still need to eat food, and I can still walk in daylight. So long as I don’t spend too long in the sun."

"Proof you’re..."

"You can argue later, Artemis, right now be quiet and listen," I cut her off. "But none of that really matters, does it, Artemis? Because between us will always be Marilyn Fields. And that’s all that matters."

"You nearly killed her," Artemis hissed.

"And whose fault is that, Artemis?" Hephaestus asked her. "Athena’s or yours?"

"Mine? How could it be mine?"

"If you had not refused to hear Apollo’s appeal to have Athena trained as any new vampire she would have been trained, she would have known the need to use precise and unmistakable words. She would not have used words that could have been misinterpreted. You refused to let her be trained so the damage she did as a self-taught vampire is as much your fault as hers."

Hermes looked thoughtful at Hephaestus’s words but Artemis looked furious.

"That," she gestured at me, "being is no vampire."

"Oh, but I am," I corrected her. "And if you don’t believe me ask Rick. Ask him how I bound his lover and two others just to play with them. How I made a deal to feed from him to save his lover. I may have a heart that beats but the blood it moves is just as cold as yours.

"Do you remember, Dion, the feeling of power the first time you had someone come to you voluntarily? The power when they begged you to feed?"

"Yes," Dion admitted with a hiss. "How they bare their throat and close their eyes and the anticipation is as heady as the blood itself."

Nike smiled slightly, "Oh, the taste of a willing throat, even when you don’t drink their blood. When the goal is the sacrifice and not their life."

"Oh yeah," Paris agreed. "And when they give up their families, their outside lives, to be there for your whims," he looked at Rick and could not stop a snarl from crossing his features.

"You’re jealous," Aphrodite realized, "Of him?"

Paris opened his mouth, then closed it again and turned to look at Aphrodite. "I’m jealous that she’s not asking me to feed that hunger in her. Think of one of our bound slaves, full of vitae, all that passion and desire running through them."

"Add puberty," I suggested. "You said no, Paris."

"I did," he agreed, "because despite the desire raging in you I didn’t not want to hurt you. You are not someone to play games with. But yes, Dite, I am jealous. The way you are over her."

"Did you think I ever doubted you were a vampire, Athena?" She turned to look at me, "I have been a vampire for long enough that I realize no mortal is worth hating. They don’t live long enough. A little affection for a favourite but when you’re done with them," she waved her hand. "You picked up one of my discards."

"Travis."

"He was amusing for a while."

"Only for a while," I agreed. "That aggressive streak is annoying."

She smiled at me, "For all you hold two votes, Artemis, I think you are doomed to failure if you try to refuse her."

"She only holds one vote," Hermes said. "I will not deny Athena status. You know my sire embraced me and left me to live or die on my own. You accepted me as your own, Artemis, teaching me as your own. Yet you refused Athena that same courtesy and blamed her when she used what she had learned on her own. No, I will not support denying her again."

"It appears I am truly outvoted," Artemis said in a cold, hard voice. "But know this, while this council may accept you as an equal I never will."

"I wouldn’t want to lower myself that much," I said in a voice just as cold and hard.

Artemis hissed angrily and her chair flew backwards. She had her eyes locked on mine and I felt her mind reaching out for mine.

I tilted my head slightly and smirked as I realized she couldn’t dominate me. I stepped up next to her and spoke softly in her ear. "For all our animosity, Artemis, I will not humiliate you in front of your friends. For that grace be very grateful."

I stepped back and turned to Dad, "Does this mean I lose my allowance?"

Dad laughed, gave me a tight hug, and kissed my forehead, "One more week. To your mortal majority."

I laughed along with him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He walked back to his seat and Paris surprised me by moving to the seat to the right of the other end. He made it very clear I was to take the end seat.

"And now our guest, who has waited patiently," Dad said as I took the seat opposite him. "I owe a great debt to Marshall Watts. How can I repay it?"

"He’s dead."

"Most of us are."

He smiled weakly at the joke.

I stood abruptly and pushed the chair away from the table. "Sit, before you fall on your face." I walked around the table and leaned on the back of Dad’s chair. "Cecile," I looked over at her.

"Your father does not keep a pitcher of blood in the fridge anymore," she said drily. "Thankfully."

"But I do. Unless it’s gone bad."

"Oh," she gave me a smile and headed for the door.

"You do what?" Ares looked at me in surprise.

"Keep a pitcher of blood in the fridge."

"So a Kindred guest can have something while she eats," Dad explained.

"Cecile," she stopped halfway out the door and looked back at me, "bring the fudge back too. I’m having this craving for chocolate."

She nodded and the door closed behind her.

"Now," I looked at the stranger, "you may begin by perhaps granting us the honour of knowing your name."

"My name is Anthony Parker. I am, as far as anyone can guess, Gangrel clan, though I have never met my sire."

"Likely Gangrel then," Hermes agreed. "They prove their offspring are survivors by making them survive."

"Why do you lie?" I asked him. "It is not Outlander blood you carry."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because I can see the mirror by the door from here. Only one clan casts no reflection. And there are two empty chairs at this table."

"Two?" he looked at each of the others with a frown.

"Nor am I," Nike admitted, "the only former member of the Sabbat to have lived peacefully in this city."

"Nike makes a fair living as a plastic surgeon. Strictly off the books, of course," Dad said with a smile. "Her sire couldn’t take out her conscience with all his skill."

"It was all those Toreador parties he dragged me to," Nike said drily and even I smiled at the joke.

"My sire is Lord Marcus Ducos."

"You have my sympathies," Nike said quickly. "But you seem to have retained your sanity."

"He only embraced me about two years ago and I’ve spent most of that time on the run from him. Marshall was one of those helping to hide me. He said if anything happened to him I was to come here and call in his debt with Apollo."

"That makes him your problem, Athena," Dad told me.

"Your debt," he hissed.

"My debt," I corrected. "The debt he owes for my life is mine to repay. You can stay at my place tomorrow," I frowned slightly.

"That much I will do," Dad said. "You don’t need your room here so I will allow your guest to use it for the time being."

"Thank you." The door opened and Cecile came in carrying a tray. She put the pitcher of blood at the end of the table and set the fudge at the head. "Travis and Sam are downstairs. She’s crying."

"I’ll go," Rick offered. "I’m just in Cecile’s way up here."

I nodded permission and picked up a piece of fudge.

"Athena is correct," Achilles stated, "you do look pale. We have all fed recently. Drink," he gestured at the pitcher.

"You didn’t say anything in the debate."

"Athena has always been a vampire in my eyes. And worthy of the sympathy I have for all our kind. Drink."

"I want that one," he gestured at the door to indicate Rick.

"We have one law in this city that will get you hunted down if you violate it," Artemis told him. "Each of us has one, first in our household, that is completely off limits. Cecile fills that role for Apollo and that was Athena’s."

"His name is Rick. And even if he were merely a vessel I feed from I would grant him that protection."

"Why?"

"Half mage half werewolf makes for heady blood."

"He cannot be bound then. You do realize the danger he represents?"

"He is no danger," Paris answered Aphrodite. "I might hate him with a passion I’d thought long gone but he is no danger to Athena or to us."

"He belongs to me," I agreed, "and he has for months."

"You don’t know that."

"He may not be bound but he belongs to me. I wasn’t just toying with his life when I used another to drive them apart. I put him in a position where he had no reason to come to me but he didn’t anyway. Admitting he was mine. Because he chose to be."

"No one chooses to serve us."

"Cecile."

"Yes, Athena?"

"Do I command you?"

"You spent most of your life doing as I told you. No. You do not command me. But I am bound to your father."

"You do not drink the offering, Anthony Parker?" Aphrodite asked, looking at the still full pitcher.

"It could be her blood," he gestured at me.

"So what if it is?" Nike asked.

"He fears being bound to me, Nike," I told her. "As if I’d waste the effort. No," I smiled slightly, "Sam’s blood actually."

"But we are all bound together," Nike frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"You must have realized we all have names from Greek mythology," Hephaestus spoke up. "Every year all the Kindred who truly live in this city take part in a four day ritual that renews the bindings that hold us. We take new names to signify our new allegiance. Each of us is both regent and thrall to each of the others."

"If you should decide to stay," Aphrodite picked it up, "and this council agrees that you may stay, you will be expected to take part in the binding ritual before you take your place on the Bound Council."

"We have all set aside our past lives and our past allegiances," Artemis told him. "For over a century we have resided in this city, outside of the politics that plague our kind. Some of us have been together since the early 600s."

"Some of us," Hephaestus chided her. "You and I."

"There were others then."

"But of us," he waved his hand around the table, "we are truly who remain from those days."

"You make me feel old, Hephaestus," she sighed.

"You are old, Artemis," he sighed back at her. "Not as old as me perhaps but we are old."

"I thought vampires retired for their safety once they reached a thousand years of age."

"Safety is a relative term," Artemis told him. "No one living here would dare to attack their regent so we are safe."

"Drink," Achilles prompted. "You wish to call upon the debt owed by Apollo and Athena and yet you do not trust them."

He picked up the pitcher and began to drink. He shuddered slightly as the blood hit his empty stomach but quickly drained the pitcher and put it down.

"Not far from starved," Paris guessed. "I’ll take him hunting tomorrow night. It’s too late tonight."

The door opened and Rick, clearly angry, led Travis in.

"You miserable bitch," Travis began. "You said if I..."

"Travis," Aphrodite and I said at the same time.

"Aphrodite," he acknowledged her coolly.

"Is this what you want, Travis?" I asked, walking over to him. I cut my wrist and he grabbed my arm, sucking greedily. "You wanted a reward?" I grabbed his hair. "Your life is the only reward you get. Sam was never yours. She never will be." I pulled my arm free. "You think to dictate terms to me?" I shoved him at Parker, who caught him and began feeding.

"No," Travis hissed. "You promised."

"I lied," I said with a smirk.

Parker released Travis, who stumbled away.

"He’s a danger to us," Aphrodite said.

"Not for long," I assured her. "You’re no longer amusing, Travis," I said as I forced his head up. I reached into his mind and wiped away whatever will he had left to refuse me. "Take Sam home. Forget you ever heard of vampires. And when she tells you she’s leaving you for another woman go to the bar and have two drinks. Go back to the apartment, take the fillet knife from the knife block, and use it to cut your wrists to the bone."

I felt, more than heard, Rick leave the apartment and I held control of Travis until I felt him come back. He moved into my line of sight and nodded. I turned away from Travis, breaking the eye contact.

"Let’s go, Travis," Sam sighed from the door.

Travis ignored the sight of all of us and left the apartment.

"You can’t know he’ll..."

"Of course he will," Rick cut Parker off. "He’ll do exactly what she wants him to, right down to using the fillet knife. They do have one, right?"

"They have one of those sets that has all the different knives in it. When I was there last time I checked out what they had. I knew Travis was going to become a problem but he was useful for a while."

"Do you believe he will do as she ordered?"

"I believe if Athena tells a man to kill himself in such a way as he cannot twist her meaning he will do it," Hephaestus admitted. "And I do not believe her instructions can be perceived in any way which will spare his life."

"Your room," Dad said, standing, "is this way."

"Tomorrow," Paris said, without moving, "I will take you hunting. Tonight it is already too late. Dawn will soon colour the sky."

"These short nights," Artemis sighed.

"Short summer nights which are more than compensated for with our long winter nights."

"Which almost makes up for the cold."

"Artemis," Hephaestus sighed as he stood, "you complained of the heat in Greece, the wet in Brazil, the dry in Egypt, and everything in between. You’re never going to be happy."

The others laughed or at least smiled and most of them headed for the door. Paris remained in his seat, watching Rick.

"You want something, Paris?"

"No."

"Come on," I put my arm around Rick’s waist and leaned my head on his shoulder, "I’m tired. Are you okay?"

"Just Travis. He had Sam on her knees, begging him to let her pleasure him. Begging him for something she didn’t even really want," he put his arm around me and we started for the door. "Petty abuses of a petty power."

"He thought he controlled you too."

Rick smiled briefly, "After you walked through my defences? No one else was going to dominate me again. You could, if you needed to, but no one else."

I leaned on his shoulder again, "I should wait up for Sam."

"I’ll wait. You need to sleep. She won’t be long."

I nodded absently and closed my eyes, letting him guide me. I was asleep before we reached my apartment door.

Real Life

2006-09-10T23:07:58Z

So, it is now two weeks after the girl child walked out and - as far as I know - no one has heard from or seen her since. I must remember to write a letter for CTB so I don't get in trouble for not telling them she's gone. I know I'm going to have to refund some of their money anyway, but there's nothing to be done with that. I'm so ruttin' tired. I haven't been sleeping well to start with and with it being my week-end to work I've gotten about two hours a night for the past couple nights. I will be so glad to go home and get some sleep.

I bring my knife to work with me when I'm working week-ends. It makes me feel safer. Although I don't quite know why a knife with an 11" blade would make me feel safer, 'specially not when I spent near an hour sharpening it a couple weeks ago. But it does. It's also a comfort thing. Holding the stupid thing makes me feel relaxed and lets me think without needing to force it, which - when you a M/D hitting a low is a good thing. I've spent most of the day sitting with it balanced on the point in my lap with my chin on this end of the handle. Also sitting here thinking I want to get one for my dad for his birthday next month, which means I have to order it soon, but I want to get one that has a handle big enough for him to hold comfortably without being too heavy for him to hold. Which means custom-made, which means it should have been ordered already. It might have to be his Christmas present.

Would it be weird to get a custom-make khukuri for a present for someone? Specifically - would it be weird to get one for my step-father with the words "For my dad" engraved on the blade? It's my thought at the moment, but I have to measure his hand first so I know how big to order the handle.

Children

2006-08-30T16:15:59Z

I love my daughter, but I think she's going to be the death of me. Or at least the firing of me. I can't seem to concentrate on my job, which - I suppose - is not that unusual since Sunday night my darling daughter beat up on my mother, tried to choke her among other things, packed a bag, and moved out. I made the mistake of stopping to ask her what was wrong, as she walked towards the highway and - among the other things she said to me was - "Go fuck yourself, Bitch, you're good at that."

I love my daughter but oh god does she need to get her ass whipped and her head on straight.

So, anyway, I'm slightly distracted and still majorly pissed off at her and not paying anywhere enough attention to what's going on around me.

Comes down to, shit happens, I guess but it still doesn't make it any easier to not worry about where she is and what she's doing and with who. I know that on Sunday afternoon she was in the city but that doesn't help me with the wondering where she is now. Or if she showed up on the doorstep at the house if she'd be let back in the house.

Let's try this again.

2006-08-09T18:12:11Z

The Bar and the aftermath Grounded and the Sheriff Dinner at the Sheriff's Friendly competition and home again Nightmare and breakfast Late night visits Dinner invitation and after dinner Wake up call, Guy talk, and Girl talk Back at the ship

Let's try this again. See if it will let me edit in source code so I can post these links. Otherwise the links are are first and this is second, I'm done arguing with it.

The story links are: at the top of the page because they won't let me post them anywhere else. That's okay, they work up there so long as you know why they're there.

Did I mention that I got my second favourite movie of all time the other day? It's After Alice. Very weird movie. I like it. That means I have seven of my top ten favourite movies of all time on DVD now. And I have two of the others on VHS but I need them on DVD. I really do. I think I do anyway... Red Garters, After Alice, Serenity, Tango & Cash, Rose Red, Yours mine & ours, Lean on me on DVD and I come in Peace and... on VHS. I still need The Bone Collector and Desperately Seeking Susan. And I want I Come In Peace on DVD.

I am such a geek.

Life, carpets and other sites to post to

2006-08-09T01:27:01Z

Well, not really other sites to post to. Just where I've been posting the ongoing fanfiction saga I've been writing. I'll stick links at the bottom just in case anyone is interested.

So, our carpet, the one they've been saying is supposed to be here for the past six weeks, came today. The upstairs is a little bubbled yet but I'm hoping that'll flatten out overnight. If not they may have to stretch it and nail the edges to keep it down. Otherwise it's no better than just plywood.

We're also getting new carpet in the office. Just the section behind the desk where we work. I'm taking the opportunity to do a little redecorating. I might have to move the counter back a couple inches but I want to move the desk over and then move the cubbies and then put the filing cabinent on the other side of the cubbies in the corner. Not that it isn't in the corner now but it's right behind the door and I get sick of getting hit with the doorknob. There's still the matter of the desk to be moved before they can put the carpet down but I can't do anything about that right now.

The carpet we're getting in the office is the same one that's going in the rooms once we get carpet in the rooms.

Other than that, life is dull and ordinary. Although I think I might have broken my wrist this morning. Whatever, I'll run over to outpatients after work and have them do an x-ray of it. The rest of the family is going on holidays. They're taking the camper through Devil's canyon and into BC to visit some of the family. Maybe the uncles, maybe the great-aunts and uncles, maybe none of them. I get to work. Cathy's going on holidays from the morning of the 10th through to the night of the 14th so I'm on from 7 am Thursday until 7 am Tuesday. After that I might take a couple days off to recover.

Or I might not. I don't have to stay in the office the whole time so it's not that much work to stay. I can sit at the table in room 20 and see the front door so I can watch the doors without having to stay in the office. It's so much easier on me. Besides, the rooms have air conditioning, the office doesn't and it gets a little warm in here.

Yes, I'm admitting to being overheated.

Okay, so I'm going to post this, and then head to the hospital and get my wrist X-rayed. Here are the links for the stories I've been working on. Here aren't the links to the stories because it's being a total twit and not letting me edit in source mode. So I won't. I'll try them in another post tomorrow.